Tomorrow is April 1st...April Fools Day. The origin of this joksters holiday is fairly unknown. There are various theories as to how the day became such a tradition. Some say it was coined when certain people decieded against acknowledging the change to January 1st as the start of the new year. Others claim that an April fool was one who celebrated the start of summer before May Day. There is even speculation that it commemmorates Noah sending out the first raven too early, before the flood waters had receeded. Whatever the origin of this day, in any case it calls to mind someone jumping the gun, or the opposite, falling short.
Nobody likes to be made a fool. It hurts our human pride, our image. It's embarassing. Its one of the many aspects of the human condition that we cannot do anything to repair. Theres nothing that can undo being made a fool of.
This is the final week of the season of Lent, and on Sunday we begin Holy Week, as the Church commemorates Jesus last few days on his road to the Cross. In all of human history there is perhaps no greater fool then Christ Himself. His form of execution was the most humiliating in history. He was beaten in public. His role as "King" was mocked with a crown made from thorns that was smashed into His head. He was cricified like a common criminal, hung from the cross in open public, with a sign nailed above his head to insult him further.
There is a legend that a Roman guard spit in His face as He left the pretorium carrying His cross. Legend claims that Jesus looked the man in the eye, and his punlishment for his insult is that he was deemed to live forever. Jesus of course ends up getting the victory and made fools of those who tortured Him by raising from the dead on Easter morning.
One of the Readings at Mass this weekend included the letter of saint Paul to the Hebrews; "Son though he was, he (Jesus) learned obedience from what he suffered;and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him." Jesus' obedience to the Father, and His suffering this human humiliation, led to his glorification on Easter morning.
The humiliation faced by Jesus is no stranger to us. How many different ways we are at times made to look or feel like fools. These are moments that make us stronger. These little pitfalls are just speed bumps which will eventually build us to our finest moments. There are so many different areas in our lives where we face these feelings. When we think that our feelings for someone are mutual, and then we discover they are one way. When we mis-place our trust in a friend. When we confide in the wrong person. These are the moments and mistakes that make us stronger, and wiser. I think that in my life I have learned that if we do not learn from our mistakes, that is when we are made the real fool.
The times in Seminary when I bragged about having nailed an exam, and then I found out that I had blown it taught me to not count my chickens before they are hatched. When I confided in a priest regarding things that were going on in the Seminary taught me to be careful who I trust. When the guy I was seeing broke up with me un-expectedly, I learned that maybe love isnt always as mutual as I may think. In all these moments I felt like a fool...but the lessons were learned.
In many ways the lessons we learn may make us close up a bit. We stop trusting people, we close ourselves off from love to avoid getting hurt, or we stop taking risks. It is important that we keep a healthy balance.
So weather April Fools Day began in the days of Noah, or not until the 1700's in the regin of King Charles, either way for centuries we as humans have been making fools of ourselves, and bouncing back. Weather it be a blow to the ego, or a blow to our hearts, maybe we need to be made fools of once in a while. The humility of the moment helps keep us in check, and the lessons we learn from them are invaluble.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Fiat
Today is March 25, the feast of the Annunciation in the Church. While not a Holy Day of obligation, the significance of this feast is immeasurable. Intentionally celebrated 9 months before Christmas, this feast commemorates the day when the angel Gabriel was sent from God to Mary to invite her to be the mother of Jesus. Church tradition teaches that from the begining of time He had intended on asking her this huge favor. He spared her from the stain of original sin, hence when the angel spoke the words of God to her she listened with a pure heart. Although she did not understand all the details, or the "hows" and the "whats" of this Virginial Pregnancy, she spoke the famous words, "Let it be done to me according to your word." The Church coins this phrase, the "Fiat", as the Latin is worded, "Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum."
Mary's "Fiat" changed the course of human history. In her total and complete freedom of choice she says "yes" to almighty God, and in that moment concieves the Christ child in her womb. In Seminary we used to joke, that if Mary had said "no" God would have asked someone else, and we'd all be praying the 'Hail Gertrude" today.
But we do not, we pray the Hail Mary because Mary said yes, she said yes to a plan that she did not understand. She looked into the depths of her soul and blindly put her faith in the Lord and said "yes". How many times are we faced with such a choice? Certainly never a choice with as heavy a consequence as this one, but certainly there are times in life when we act on blind faith. We have faith that our spouse won't cheat on us, that our friends won't betray us. In these tough times we have faith that we will not loose our jobs, when so many have. We have faith in the man we elected to the office of President, that he will as he said last night, "move this economy from recession to recovery, and ultimately to prosperity."
Alot of life is built on faith, and trust. That's why some of us put up so many walls. That's why so much of life is a risk. When we change jobs, we are taking a huge risk that the new one will work out and we arent shooting ourselves in the foot...and we have faith that it will work out. When we start to open up our heart little by little for someone who touches us deep down inside we run the risk of getting that heart broken....and we have faith that that other person feels the same way we do.
Unfortunately in life there is no forward motion without faith and trust. As the President said last night; "We'll recover from this recession, but it will take time, it will take patience, and it will take an understanding that, when we all work together, when each of us looks beyond our own short-term interest to the wider set of obligations we have towards each other, that's when we succeed, that's when we prosper, and that's what is needed right now. So let's look towards the future with a renewed sense of common purpose, a renewed determination, and, most importantly, renewed confidence that a better day will come. "
You will never learn to swim, if you are too scared to jump in the water. We will never advance without taking some risks, rooted in a faith in whatever the circumstance may be...love, work, life, friends, relationships, whatever it may be. No experience in my life was more demonstrative of this then my experiences in Seminary. When times got tough my priest friends would always advise me that it was all, "In God's plan." Sometimes it felt like those words were a cop out. Ultimately however I must admit that these words were true.
So wherever we are in life, that position will not change without taking chances, and without having faith. Mary's "Fiat" changed the course of Salvation History, and put Mary in a pivotal position in the establishment of the Christian Faith, and the growth of the Church, which now stands two thousand years later. May all our "Fiats" in life be as successful, and may every one of our leaps of faith lead to nothing but lasting imprints. Most of all, let's hope that our faith in one another is not misplaced, and remember....we never know who may be putting their faith in us!
Mary's "Fiat" changed the course of human history. In her total and complete freedom of choice she says "yes" to almighty God, and in that moment concieves the Christ child in her womb. In Seminary we used to joke, that if Mary had said "no" God would have asked someone else, and we'd all be praying the 'Hail Gertrude" today.
But we do not, we pray the Hail Mary because Mary said yes, she said yes to a plan that she did not understand. She looked into the depths of her soul and blindly put her faith in the Lord and said "yes". How many times are we faced with such a choice? Certainly never a choice with as heavy a consequence as this one, but certainly there are times in life when we act on blind faith. We have faith that our spouse won't cheat on us, that our friends won't betray us. In these tough times we have faith that we will not loose our jobs, when so many have. We have faith in the man we elected to the office of President, that he will as he said last night, "move this economy from recession to recovery, and ultimately to prosperity."
Alot of life is built on faith, and trust. That's why some of us put up so many walls. That's why so much of life is a risk. When we change jobs, we are taking a huge risk that the new one will work out and we arent shooting ourselves in the foot...and we have faith that it will work out. When we start to open up our heart little by little for someone who touches us deep down inside we run the risk of getting that heart broken....and we have faith that that other person feels the same way we do.
Unfortunately in life there is no forward motion without faith and trust. As the President said last night; "We'll recover from this recession, but it will take time, it will take patience, and it will take an understanding that, when we all work together, when each of us looks beyond our own short-term interest to the wider set of obligations we have towards each other, that's when we succeed, that's when we prosper, and that's what is needed right now. So let's look towards the future with a renewed sense of common purpose, a renewed determination, and, most importantly, renewed confidence that a better day will come. "
You will never learn to swim, if you are too scared to jump in the water. We will never advance without taking some risks, rooted in a faith in whatever the circumstance may be...love, work, life, friends, relationships, whatever it may be. No experience in my life was more demonstrative of this then my experiences in Seminary. When times got tough my priest friends would always advise me that it was all, "In God's plan." Sometimes it felt like those words were a cop out. Ultimately however I must admit that these words were true.
So wherever we are in life, that position will not change without taking chances, and without having faith. Mary's "Fiat" changed the course of Salvation History, and put Mary in a pivotal position in the establishment of the Christian Faith, and the growth of the Church, which now stands two thousand years later. May all our "Fiats" in life be as successful, and may every one of our leaps of faith lead to nothing but lasting imprints. Most of all, let's hope that our faith in one another is not misplaced, and remember....we never know who may be putting their faith in us!
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Happy Ending
This weekend I went to see "He's Just Not That Into You." The movie ended with the main Character sharing the following thoughts:
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. "
I have certainly never been one to go through life looking for "the one". I had a period where I thought I had found him. Then I went through a period where I just plain didn't want to deal with the emotional risks that come with dating. Then I finally hit a place where I am open to it. If the right guy comes along Im not going to turn it away but at the same time Im not going to try to seek him out.
Shes right though, the general image we are all given about life is that you go to College, you graduate, you start a career, you fall in love, start a family, and pass on these values to your kids. But life is not like that lovely hallmark card. Maybe you dont find the right career, maybe your single your whole life, or maybe you mess it up with your kids and they don't recieve the values you wanted them to.
I know my life to date is a strong oppossition to this basic cookie cutter picture. My family and I dont speak, I went to school to be a priest and Im a bartender instead, and Im almost 30 and no where near starting a family, or owning a home.
How do we end up under all this pressure? We look at our lives and judge them by some standard that the rest of the world set up for us. I think the key is in that last line.."Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
That doesnt mean just relationships either. It means your job, your goals, your dreams, anything really. Everything we try for in life takes time, and it takes multiple attempts. Sometimes when the bills are mounting and the money is dwindling we feel that crunch. Like we arent where we want to be in life. We are trying as hard as we can but we just arent there yet. We may never be...in fact if you think about it, maybe nobody ever is. I think maybe this woman is right. Theres something to be said for never giving up hope.
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. "
I have certainly never been one to go through life looking for "the one". I had a period where I thought I had found him. Then I went through a period where I just plain didn't want to deal with the emotional risks that come with dating. Then I finally hit a place where I am open to it. If the right guy comes along Im not going to turn it away but at the same time Im not going to try to seek him out.
Shes right though, the general image we are all given about life is that you go to College, you graduate, you start a career, you fall in love, start a family, and pass on these values to your kids. But life is not like that lovely hallmark card. Maybe you dont find the right career, maybe your single your whole life, or maybe you mess it up with your kids and they don't recieve the values you wanted them to.
I know my life to date is a strong oppossition to this basic cookie cutter picture. My family and I dont speak, I went to school to be a priest and Im a bartender instead, and Im almost 30 and no where near starting a family, or owning a home.
How do we end up under all this pressure? We look at our lives and judge them by some standard that the rest of the world set up for us. I think the key is in that last line.."Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
That doesnt mean just relationships either. It means your job, your goals, your dreams, anything really. Everything we try for in life takes time, and it takes multiple attempts. Sometimes when the bills are mounting and the money is dwindling we feel that crunch. Like we arent where we want to be in life. We are trying as hard as we can but we just arent there yet. We may never be...in fact if you think about it, maybe nobody ever is. I think maybe this woman is right. Theres something to be said for never giving up hope.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
March 19th
Tomorrow is March 19th, the Solemnity of Saint Joseph. I have always held a special love for this feast and this day. When I was in High School, March 19th was the day I started dating my High School Sweetheart. She was absolutely beautiful, and well out of my leauge. Today she is happily married, and Im happily gay so I can openly share that I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She was the first person to make me feel like more then an outcast and a geek. She touched my heart in a way I will never forget and she taught me how to love. She always had faith in me when no one else did. To this day the stuffed Tigger she gave me for my 16th Birthday still sits on the pillow on my bed.
When Seminary came we celebrated Saint Joseph's day every year. We all wore red, did the Zapoloa (spelling?) thing etc etc. Little is known about Saint Joseph. All the bible teaches is that he was the husband of Mary. Delighted to be engaged to such a highly sought young woman, Josephs bliss was quickly shattered when he learned that Mary was with child. Because they were not yet wed it was a horror to the community, and he considered leaving her to avoid embarassment. It wasnt until the visit from the angel that Joseph realized what a special role he had to play in salvation history.
The faith of this man is remarkable. His silent witness to faith is time less. In all the scriptures he never speaks, and is only included in a handfull of stories. Pope Pius IX in 1870 declared him Patron Saint of the Universal church. His role in the early days of Christ's life is pivitol. It is to him that the angel speaks and warns him to flee from Bethlehem with the Christ child, as Herod was out to kill him. It was to him that the angel again spoke when it was safe to return. It was his living as a carpenter that kept a roof over Mary and Jesus' head. Yet scripture stops recording anything about him. We do not know when he died or how. We dont know anything about his upbringing. All we know is the few stories that sacred scripture shares.
Maybe part of the point of this is that certain people occupy certain roles for certain times and reasons. The girl I spoke of earlier is no longer a part of my life, aside from Facebook. We remained friends for years after high school but eventually life took us in different directions. We can all Im sure think of those people along the way who were so very important to us, and are no longer there. Sometimes their presence in our lives is terminated by death. Sometimes by circumstance. Sometimes by a stupid fight, that we regret years later.
Whatever it may be the people in our lives along the way, and those in our lives right now are there for a reason. Some part of our experience with them contributes to who we are today, and that should never be forgotten. Even the people who are gone from our lives due to something negative still in some way made us who we are today.
Saint Joseph has a day every year to remind the Church of his important, yet under recorded role in salvation history. The people in our lives who have held similar roles do not have such a day so its up to us to remember those people. Its up to us to keep that picture on display, or to keep that trinket or memorabilia that stands in silent witness to the many "Saint Joseph's" in our lives.
The people in our lives now we have no idea how long they will be there. Pray God we have those few friends that will be there for life. Maybe saint Josephs Day is a good time to acknowledge the role people play, or have played, in our lives. Good or bad, its them who make us who we are today. For whatever reason be it fate, or the will of God, they were there, or are there, for a reason...and I thank God for them!
When Seminary came we celebrated Saint Joseph's day every year. We all wore red, did the Zapoloa (spelling?) thing etc etc. Little is known about Saint Joseph. All the bible teaches is that he was the husband of Mary. Delighted to be engaged to such a highly sought young woman, Josephs bliss was quickly shattered when he learned that Mary was with child. Because they were not yet wed it was a horror to the community, and he considered leaving her to avoid embarassment. It wasnt until the visit from the angel that Joseph realized what a special role he had to play in salvation history.
The faith of this man is remarkable. His silent witness to faith is time less. In all the scriptures he never speaks, and is only included in a handfull of stories. Pope Pius IX in 1870 declared him Patron Saint of the Universal church. His role in the early days of Christ's life is pivitol. It is to him that the angel speaks and warns him to flee from Bethlehem with the Christ child, as Herod was out to kill him. It was to him that the angel again spoke when it was safe to return. It was his living as a carpenter that kept a roof over Mary and Jesus' head. Yet scripture stops recording anything about him. We do not know when he died or how. We dont know anything about his upbringing. All we know is the few stories that sacred scripture shares.
Maybe part of the point of this is that certain people occupy certain roles for certain times and reasons. The girl I spoke of earlier is no longer a part of my life, aside from Facebook. We remained friends for years after high school but eventually life took us in different directions. We can all Im sure think of those people along the way who were so very important to us, and are no longer there. Sometimes their presence in our lives is terminated by death. Sometimes by circumstance. Sometimes by a stupid fight, that we regret years later.
Whatever it may be the people in our lives along the way, and those in our lives right now are there for a reason. Some part of our experience with them contributes to who we are today, and that should never be forgotten. Even the people who are gone from our lives due to something negative still in some way made us who we are today.
Saint Joseph has a day every year to remind the Church of his important, yet under recorded role in salvation history. The people in our lives who have held similar roles do not have such a day so its up to us to remember those people. Its up to us to keep that picture on display, or to keep that trinket or memorabilia that stands in silent witness to the many "Saint Joseph's" in our lives.
The people in our lives now we have no idea how long they will be there. Pray God we have those few friends that will be there for life. Maybe saint Josephs Day is a good time to acknowledge the role people play, or have played, in our lives. Good or bad, its them who make us who we are today. For whatever reason be it fate, or the will of God, they were there, or are there, for a reason...and I thank God for them!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Today
Bishop Tobin of the Diocese of Providence has a regular article that runs in the Rhode Island Catholic Newspaper. While I typically find his thoughts to be two dimentional, and self serving, I found one in the archives from the day that plane landed in the Hudson River in New York.
"But I’ve been thinking about the passengers on the plane. When they woke up that day they had no hint of the events that awaited them. They packed their suitcases, bade farewell to family and friends, drove to the airport, checked-in, passed through security, arrived at their gate and settled down to await boarding – all rather routine. And even as they boarded the plane, stashed their carry-ons and settled into their crowded seats, they couldn’t imagine that they’d soon find themselves standing on the wing of the plane, in the middle of a frigid river, the unwitting actors in a nationally televised drama. "
The Bishop makes a fine point. Our entire lives can change in an instant. One phone call, one conversation. Weather it be the unfortunate news that a loved one has died, or taken ill. We have all had those relationships that ended unexpectedly, and the weeks that followed were full of lonliness and despair. Sometimes it's a good change, a job promotion, or these days an offer for a job at all!! Likewise, it can all end in an instant. There's no warning when that last day will be.
I've watched this concept hit home this week as a very dear friend of mine recieved the suprise news that his mother was in the hospital. In one phone call, his entire day was turned upside down, and with her health now in a precarious situation, he lives each day with this added burden.
It made me stop and think...think about life. I thought back to a quote Mary Alice once said on Desperate Housewives...
"Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning -- it will all be true."
Is this what life really becomes? We lie to ourselves deep down inside everyday and tell ourselves we are good people, tell ourselves that we are happy, etc etc, and then one day when we do not wake up, we return to our maker an unfinished work? A Failure?
I don't think Mary Alice quite has it right. Indeed we do in many ways Lie to ourselves. That however is our basic inability as humans to view our own lives from an objective standpoint. We must however be very careful about that, because as the Bishop points out - we never know what may happen next. We never know when illness will strike, or some change in our lives will force us to turn our attention elsewhere, or even our own death.
I once heard the saying, "You cant live your life with one foot in the past and one foot in the future because then you shit on the present." Naturally we have to have some direction in our lives, goals, dreams, aspirations. Naturally also we must learn from our past, the good and the bad equally. However we must live in the present because that's all we know we really have. Did you ever think about what if that ended? What if you died today? How would you fall in the record of history? What would your obituary say? Some would call this depressing, but I call it realistic. Any one of us could go at any time...so are you where you want to be? Would your O-bid say what you would want it to? I thought about it today, and given my mildly gloomy mood today my response to myself was a bit depressing.
"David Martins died today from an unknown cause. He is survived by a family of two brothers and one sister to whom he was estranged, and parents to whom he didn't speak. He was a bartender. There will be no funeral, as he was a homosexual. Burial will be determined at a later date once funds are allocated for it."
Certainly overdramatic, but in a way it makes me think. It makes me think about where my life is. About what impact my life has had on others. The basic drive of humanity is to reproduce, to find a spouse, to buy a home, and raise a family. At this point in my life these things are very far from happening.
What DO I want my obituary to read? I don't really know. Essentially I don't care what goes down in black and white, but I do care very much about what people will think of me. Will I be remembered as a good person? As a giving person? As a loving person? Would I be missed by those who I love? Do the people that I love know that I love them?
Life is full of unexpected changes each and everyday. We never know when something will come along and our situation will change...or even end. Therefore I think it would be prudent to do our best not to lie to ourselves about where we are in life. Each night when we lie down our heads to sleep we should do so knowing that in full and total truth, our loved ones know they are loved, our conflicts are resolved, and that day we did our best to make a difference and to move forward to our hopes and dreams. The truth of the matter is we only get one shot at this, and we have to do our best to get it right.
"But I’ve been thinking about the passengers on the plane. When they woke up that day they had no hint of the events that awaited them. They packed their suitcases, bade farewell to family and friends, drove to the airport, checked-in, passed through security, arrived at their gate and settled down to await boarding – all rather routine. And even as they boarded the plane, stashed their carry-ons and settled into their crowded seats, they couldn’t imagine that they’d soon find themselves standing on the wing of the plane, in the middle of a frigid river, the unwitting actors in a nationally televised drama. "
The Bishop makes a fine point. Our entire lives can change in an instant. One phone call, one conversation. Weather it be the unfortunate news that a loved one has died, or taken ill. We have all had those relationships that ended unexpectedly, and the weeks that followed were full of lonliness and despair. Sometimes it's a good change, a job promotion, or these days an offer for a job at all!! Likewise, it can all end in an instant. There's no warning when that last day will be.
I've watched this concept hit home this week as a very dear friend of mine recieved the suprise news that his mother was in the hospital. In one phone call, his entire day was turned upside down, and with her health now in a precarious situation, he lives each day with this added burden.
It made me stop and think...think about life. I thought back to a quote Mary Alice once said on Desperate Housewives...
"Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning -- it will all be true."
Is this what life really becomes? We lie to ourselves deep down inside everyday and tell ourselves we are good people, tell ourselves that we are happy, etc etc, and then one day when we do not wake up, we return to our maker an unfinished work? A Failure?
I don't think Mary Alice quite has it right. Indeed we do in many ways Lie to ourselves. That however is our basic inability as humans to view our own lives from an objective standpoint. We must however be very careful about that, because as the Bishop points out - we never know what may happen next. We never know when illness will strike, or some change in our lives will force us to turn our attention elsewhere, or even our own death.
I once heard the saying, "You cant live your life with one foot in the past and one foot in the future because then you shit on the present." Naturally we have to have some direction in our lives, goals, dreams, aspirations. Naturally also we must learn from our past, the good and the bad equally. However we must live in the present because that's all we know we really have. Did you ever think about what if that ended? What if you died today? How would you fall in the record of history? What would your obituary say? Some would call this depressing, but I call it realistic. Any one of us could go at any time...so are you where you want to be? Would your O-bid say what you would want it to? I thought about it today, and given my mildly gloomy mood today my response to myself was a bit depressing.
"David Martins died today from an unknown cause. He is survived by a family of two brothers and one sister to whom he was estranged, and parents to whom he didn't speak. He was a bartender. There will be no funeral, as he was a homosexual. Burial will be determined at a later date once funds are allocated for it."
Certainly overdramatic, but in a way it makes me think. It makes me think about where my life is. About what impact my life has had on others. The basic drive of humanity is to reproduce, to find a spouse, to buy a home, and raise a family. At this point in my life these things are very far from happening.
What DO I want my obituary to read? I don't really know. Essentially I don't care what goes down in black and white, but I do care very much about what people will think of me. Will I be remembered as a good person? As a giving person? As a loving person? Would I be missed by those who I love? Do the people that I love know that I love them?
Life is full of unexpected changes each and everyday. We never know when something will come along and our situation will change...or even end. Therefore I think it would be prudent to do our best not to lie to ourselves about where we are in life. Each night when we lie down our heads to sleep we should do so knowing that in full and total truth, our loved ones know they are loved, our conflicts are resolved, and that day we did our best to make a difference and to move forward to our hopes and dreams. The truth of the matter is we only get one shot at this, and we have to do our best to get it right.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Aids Care Ocean State
Tonight is the official kick off party of Project Downcity, my annual fundraiser for Aids Care Ocean State, and my thoughts and prayers today turned to this heavy topic of HIV.
We all know about it. As gay people we especially know about it. It's not a "gay disease" by any stretch of the imagination, but its on the forefront of our minds. Your HIV status is an option to be answered on internet dating profiles. It's an issue however that we rarely think about, yet holds such a heavy cloud.
Everyone who this disease effects deals with it differently. Sadly, there are those who's positive status in no way changes the way they behave sexually, at times not even being smarter or safer. Some carry it inside as a dark burden. Some others still turn it into action, and become involved in awareness programs.
Imagine what life must be like for the person who carries this burden. If you are single when you find out, how do you deal with dating? You start to get invoved with someone, at what point should you share it with the other person? After all it's no one's buisness, except of course for sexual partners. Getting that call from the doctor changes your entire life. "I feel like Im dying inside", someone once told me after finding out that they were positive. It's not a laughing matter, its no joke, its something that is very real, and for some poeple something they have to deal with everyday of their lives.
I can only imagine how I would deal with it. Working in the public eye I think I would just make it public. Ive read articles about people who have had their positive status tattooed on their arm. I think that's how I would try to face it. I admire those who deal with this virus everyday. Those who deal with it in public, and those who harbor it and choose to deal with it in silence. I admire their strength. I feel for the diffcult decisions that come with it. I admire friends who deal with it, and their unspoken strength.
"You don't know what it's like every time you have a cough or a sneeze to think 'oh God I could be getting sick' because for you Michael, it is just a f*cking cough or sneeze." These words spoken by Ben to Michael on Queer As Folk must be so true, and so difficult to live.
To quote the Aids Care website, "AIDS Care Ocean State is dedicated to providing quality housing, case management, medical and nursing care, and prevention to adults, families, adolescents and children who are affected by or at risk for HIV infection. AIDS Care Ocean State will act as an advocate for individuals and families at risk, while providing those support services needed to ensure and maintain a high quality of life for the people we serve."
The issue of HIV is so much more then that test that we take every so many months. ACOS is an important part of our community. The work they do for prevention, education, and care for those who need it is irriplaceable. Everyday they make testing positive NOT be a death sentence. They cannot function however without our help. So stop by and join the party, as tonight at 5, we at Downcity kick off "Project Downcity."
We all know about it. As gay people we especially know about it. It's not a "gay disease" by any stretch of the imagination, but its on the forefront of our minds. Your HIV status is an option to be answered on internet dating profiles. It's an issue however that we rarely think about, yet holds such a heavy cloud.
Everyone who this disease effects deals with it differently. Sadly, there are those who's positive status in no way changes the way they behave sexually, at times not even being smarter or safer. Some carry it inside as a dark burden. Some others still turn it into action, and become involved in awareness programs.
Imagine what life must be like for the person who carries this burden. If you are single when you find out, how do you deal with dating? You start to get invoved with someone, at what point should you share it with the other person? After all it's no one's buisness, except of course for sexual partners. Getting that call from the doctor changes your entire life. "I feel like Im dying inside", someone once told me after finding out that they were positive. It's not a laughing matter, its no joke, its something that is very real, and for some poeple something they have to deal with everyday of their lives.
I can only imagine how I would deal with it. Working in the public eye I think I would just make it public. Ive read articles about people who have had their positive status tattooed on their arm. I think that's how I would try to face it. I admire those who deal with this virus everyday. Those who deal with it in public, and those who harbor it and choose to deal with it in silence. I admire their strength. I feel for the diffcult decisions that come with it. I admire friends who deal with it, and their unspoken strength.
"You don't know what it's like every time you have a cough or a sneeze to think 'oh God I could be getting sick' because for you Michael, it is just a f*cking cough or sneeze." These words spoken by Ben to Michael on Queer As Folk must be so true, and so difficult to live.
To quote the Aids Care website, "AIDS Care Ocean State is dedicated to providing quality housing, case management, medical and nursing care, and prevention to adults, families, adolescents and children who are affected by or at risk for HIV infection. AIDS Care Ocean State will act as an advocate for individuals and families at risk, while providing those support services needed to ensure and maintain a high quality of life for the people we serve."
The issue of HIV is so much more then that test that we take every so many months. ACOS is an important part of our community. The work they do for prevention, education, and care for those who need it is irriplaceable. Everyday they make testing positive NOT be a death sentence. They cannot function however without our help. So stop by and join the party, as tonight at 5, we at Downcity kick off "Project Downcity."
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Failure
Have you ever failed at something? I was watching star trek today and Wesley crusher was trying to apply to Starfleet Acadamy, due to his stopping to assist a fellow applicant he failed entry, and the kid he helped got in. He expressed at the end of the episode his feeling of failure to Captain Picard who comforts Wes by telling him that he too failed the exam the first time he applied.
I thought about my own life, and my relationships with people along the way. I think the only time that I was in a mentor setting was in Seminary. I had Priest friends who I knew put alot of faith in me, who saw in me a hope for their life and ministry to continue. Much like the Military, in the priesthood those who are already in the program put a significant emotional investment in those who are coming up behind them. Seasoned priests see in seminarians hope for the future of the Church. Its more then just a stroke to the ego. It's more then just "Oh this kid wants to be like me." There is a familial pride among them.
I mentioned in a previous blog Father Bert Richman, my pastor while I was a senior in High School. Our relationship was like a Father and his son. He was the finest priest to ever serve this Diocese, and I would argue that point with the Pope himself. He taught me what it meant to be a priest. He listened when my family life began to fly apart at the seams. He listened to my fears, my dreams, and my concerns. He beamed over my every accomplishment, and always kept me on course. I would visit him in the hospital when the cancer would fire up again. I remember helping him put his hospital gown back on when it had fallen off, because he was so out of it from all the drugs and Khemo that he had lost his sense of touch. I was with him at his death bed. He mentioned me in his final testiment...but he never knew I was gay. It was the one thing I never shared with him. He is the one and only single person in my life who never knew, and had to find out by looking down from heaven.
He was so proud of me in life. He was delighted that I was the first person from our parish to ever enter the Seminary. I was the youngest Seminarian for the Diocese, and I was a hope for the Parish and the Church, and he could not have been more proud. He died at the end of my first year of Seminary, and when I knelt as his Casket I remember clearly touching my Collar and thinking that it would not have been around my neck if it werent for him. I vowed that my priesthood would be a living testimony to him. Every year I would visit his grave on the day that he died. Every year I make sure that Midnight Mass at Christmas someone says Mass for him, or at least remembers him at the altar.
Years after he died, I left the Seminary, and today his picture still sits in a frame on my beuro. I remember a few days after he died, way back while I was still in the Seminary I remember sitting outside of a Pizza Place in Dartmouth and crying. I remember turning to my best friend who was seated next to me, and telling him, "Now he knows that I am gay. I wonder what he thinks of me now."
To this day I wonder. I didn't have the fortune that Wesley Crusher had...to be re-assured by his mentor that he was not ashamed. Its a wound that can never be healed. Not only did leave Seminary...but I'm gay. I have no idea how he would have handled that. That feeling that people have about their parents and their sexuality is the same feeling I have with him.
I guess I can only hope that he views my sexuality through the filter of Heaven. I pray he understands that it's the way God made me, and that everyday I try to live my life the best I can.
The many priests who were a part of my life then still are. They have moved from a feeling of that I was the kid trying to be like them, and they were the accomplished grown ups. Now there is a feeling of equality. Although I didn't finish the program, they recognize my many accompishments from those days, and the work and ministry I did. Today when we go out for dinner we do so as two adults. My life today is obviously very different, but I can't help but always wonder...if Father Bert were alive today and we went out for dinner what would he say? How would that dinner go?
Father Bert, I did my best. I love you, and pray that you rest in peace...
I thought about my own life, and my relationships with people along the way. I think the only time that I was in a mentor setting was in Seminary. I had Priest friends who I knew put alot of faith in me, who saw in me a hope for their life and ministry to continue. Much like the Military, in the priesthood those who are already in the program put a significant emotional investment in those who are coming up behind them. Seasoned priests see in seminarians hope for the future of the Church. Its more then just a stroke to the ego. It's more then just "Oh this kid wants to be like me." There is a familial pride among them.
I mentioned in a previous blog Father Bert Richman, my pastor while I was a senior in High School. Our relationship was like a Father and his son. He was the finest priest to ever serve this Diocese, and I would argue that point with the Pope himself. He taught me what it meant to be a priest. He listened when my family life began to fly apart at the seams. He listened to my fears, my dreams, and my concerns. He beamed over my every accomplishment, and always kept me on course. I would visit him in the hospital when the cancer would fire up again. I remember helping him put his hospital gown back on when it had fallen off, because he was so out of it from all the drugs and Khemo that he had lost his sense of touch. I was with him at his death bed. He mentioned me in his final testiment...but he never knew I was gay. It was the one thing I never shared with him. He is the one and only single person in my life who never knew, and had to find out by looking down from heaven.
He was so proud of me in life. He was delighted that I was the first person from our parish to ever enter the Seminary. I was the youngest Seminarian for the Diocese, and I was a hope for the Parish and the Church, and he could not have been more proud. He died at the end of my first year of Seminary, and when I knelt as his Casket I remember clearly touching my Collar and thinking that it would not have been around my neck if it werent for him. I vowed that my priesthood would be a living testimony to him. Every year I would visit his grave on the day that he died. Every year I make sure that Midnight Mass at Christmas someone says Mass for him, or at least remembers him at the altar.
Years after he died, I left the Seminary, and today his picture still sits in a frame on my beuro. I remember a few days after he died, way back while I was still in the Seminary I remember sitting outside of a Pizza Place in Dartmouth and crying. I remember turning to my best friend who was seated next to me, and telling him, "Now he knows that I am gay. I wonder what he thinks of me now."
To this day I wonder. I didn't have the fortune that Wesley Crusher had...to be re-assured by his mentor that he was not ashamed. Its a wound that can never be healed. Not only did leave Seminary...but I'm gay. I have no idea how he would have handled that. That feeling that people have about their parents and their sexuality is the same feeling I have with him.
I guess I can only hope that he views my sexuality through the filter of Heaven. I pray he understands that it's the way God made me, and that everyday I try to live my life the best I can.
The many priests who were a part of my life then still are. They have moved from a feeling of that I was the kid trying to be like them, and they were the accomplished grown ups. Now there is a feeling of equality. Although I didn't finish the program, they recognize my many accompishments from those days, and the work and ministry I did. Today when we go out for dinner we do so as two adults. My life today is obviously very different, but I can't help but always wonder...if Father Bert were alive today and we went out for dinner what would he say? How would that dinner go?
Father Bert, I did my best. I love you, and pray that you rest in peace...
Project Downcity
I remember as a kid during Lent we used to get "Operation Rice Bowl", which was simply every family got a cardboard box in which they threw loose change all through Lent, at the end the box was counted and the money sent to some foreign country.
Last year at Downcity I began 'Project Downcity', which is a fundraiser for Aids Care Ocean State. Large barrels are placed on the bar, and will remain up through the entire season of Lent. At the Hi Tini on May 4th Kitty will be given a cheack for the amount of money that is in these two barrels. This money comes from staff, customers, everybody.
When you're in Downcity between now and May please throw some money in these barrels. Imagine if everyone who came through those doors threw just a dollar or two in...we'de make a fortune.
Aids Care Ocean State is a very important organization. They help change the lives of people who are dealing with living with HIV/AIDS. They make it possible for those of us who don't have it to get free testing whenever we want it. They work tirelessly to help prevent it's spread in every way they can think of. Your dollar makes a difference, so please help as once again we begin, "Project Downcity".
Last year at Downcity I began 'Project Downcity', which is a fundraiser for Aids Care Ocean State. Large barrels are placed on the bar, and will remain up through the entire season of Lent. At the Hi Tini on May 4th Kitty will be given a cheack for the amount of money that is in these two barrels. This money comes from staff, customers, everybody.
When you're in Downcity between now and May please throw some money in these barrels. Imagine if everyone who came through those doors threw just a dollar or two in...we'de make a fortune.
Aids Care Ocean State is a very important organization. They help change the lives of people who are dealing with living with HIV/AIDS. They make it possible for those of us who don't have it to get free testing whenever we want it. They work tirelessly to help prevent it's spread in every way they can think of. Your dollar makes a difference, so please help as once again we begin, "Project Downcity".
Monday, March 2, 2009
Always
Always is one of the words that should be put on the "Careful to Use" list. Always, Never, and Love...they are the three words that are most over-used, and usually innappropriately used. They are the words that cause an overwhelming amount of drama when mis-used. They shatter lives when they are broken, and change lives when they are used.
I started thinking about it while watching my favorite Star Trek Movie today, the Wrath of Khan...Spock is trapped in a room full of toxic gas, and facing imminent death. Kirk races down to the engine room to see what happened, but the room is sealed by a thick glass. Spock trapped on one side, and Captain Kirk on the other. Friends from youth seperated by glass at the moment of death. Spock's last words to Kirk are words of assurance, "I have been and ever shall be your friend."
Science Fiction being what it is, naturally they find a way to bring Spock back in the next film, but not without a price. Kirk and Company risk EVERYTHING, their careers, their very lives. Kirk looses the Enterprise which he loved so dearly after commanding it for decades...and his only son. All to bring back Spock.
I have been at the bedside of a dear friend, and that moment is one that lives forever in my heart and in my head, and Im sure that it always will. If I could have I would have gone to the same lengths to bring him back.
Obviously it is the depth of love that exists between the two people that makes that moment so profound. Look at Television and Movies...The drama, humor, and movement of the scenes are all motivated by the emotion between the characters. Weather its the two friends traying to stay allive from some wacko murderer in a horror film, or the "gang" (Like in 90210, Dawsons Creek, QAF, Saved By The Bell, etc etc etc). Many of them are based on the eternal nature of these friendships. None of the series listed above finished without resolving the conflicts that existed between those friends.
Sadly life does not have the same certain ending. The director doesnt make sure that all the loose ends are tied up before the final scene. It sort of stops and makes you think...if something needs to be mended, maybe there is no time like the present. Of course sometimes those ties are severed because of burns so deep only time can heal the wound. Other times we learn that perhaps there was no friendship there to begin with...it was just years of blindly believing that there was.
These "Eternal Friends" from television usually go through one fiasco after the next, and its the bonds between the friends that gets them through it. Usually that experience makes the friendship stronger, as it is the same in our lives (hopefully with a tad less drama). However once again, in real life there are not always such happy endings. Relationships change...and cause pain. The "always" turns to "not anymore", the "Love" turns to "like" or sometimes less, and the "Never" sometimes turns to "maybe just once."
We always joke at work that our lives could be a reality TV show, because it's these three passionate words that always cause all the drama in our lives. Much like television, the main characters move from relationship to relationship, and when the relationship is over that guest character is written off the show...but the MAIN characters, those people in our lives who we are more cautious with using these words, remain.
That's why the pain is so deep when they fall apart. I think of the people who swore they would "always" be there, and sad to say they are not. The people who I took the risk to let them get to that level are the very ones who are no longer there. They are also the people who when we see them out someplace, we get that feeling in our depths. That sickening, almost nautious tiwtch in our soul. That's because when WE used the "love" or the "always" we really meant it. We spiritually signed a contract, and now that it's been broken, we still love them n less....no matter how many years have passed.
In my life, I can think of a few. My child-hood best friends who we knew we would "always" be friends, but then they learned I was gay, and suddenly the "always" became a "not anymore". The friend in Seminary in whom I confided every detail of my life, who we shared a love that was fueled with more "love" then any Life Partner...who turned away when I left school and chose to live a gay lifestyle. Or of course we all have those ex'es who we let get to that point, to that place in our heart and soul...but for whatever reason it didn't stay for them. Of course there are those too who didn't break these precious words by choice, but because of a situation, a move, an uncontrolable change, or of course the Good Lord called them home.
As we reflect however, we have to remember that there have been times when we may have been the one to not follow through for whatever reason. Reasons we justify when we are the ones breaking something off...but cannot forgive when it's the other person doing the breaking. The difficult part about life is that it's NOT a television show. We don't have a script. We do the best we can from day to day to not get hurt, and to not hurt others. Sometimes it's not enough, and sometimes we are lucky enough to get it right.
So maybe we need to bear certain things in mind...Never say "never", Be sure about "always", and be careful with "love". As much as I talk about never having regrets because at one time it's exactly what you wanted...these are the areas in my life where I DO have regret... those areas where I wish I had or hadn't used those words the way I did....as do we all....but these are also the situations that help define us as who we are today...or who we are not.
Spock in his last moments dropped an "Always" with Kirk, and Kirk and company responded, recognizing the responsibility that came with those words. we must remember to do the same, because that's how we avoid hurting someone else...by remembering that those three words come with responsibility, a responsibility that is not always easy or convienient.
I started thinking about it while watching my favorite Star Trek Movie today, the Wrath of Khan...Spock is trapped in a room full of toxic gas, and facing imminent death. Kirk races down to the engine room to see what happened, but the room is sealed by a thick glass. Spock trapped on one side, and Captain Kirk on the other. Friends from youth seperated by glass at the moment of death. Spock's last words to Kirk are words of assurance, "I have been and ever shall be your friend."
Science Fiction being what it is, naturally they find a way to bring Spock back in the next film, but not without a price. Kirk and Company risk EVERYTHING, their careers, their very lives. Kirk looses the Enterprise which he loved so dearly after commanding it for decades...and his only son. All to bring back Spock.
I have been at the bedside of a dear friend, and that moment is one that lives forever in my heart and in my head, and Im sure that it always will. If I could have I would have gone to the same lengths to bring him back.
Obviously it is the depth of love that exists between the two people that makes that moment so profound. Look at Television and Movies...The drama, humor, and movement of the scenes are all motivated by the emotion between the characters. Weather its the two friends traying to stay allive from some wacko murderer in a horror film, or the "gang" (Like in 90210, Dawsons Creek, QAF, Saved By The Bell, etc etc etc). Many of them are based on the eternal nature of these friendships. None of the series listed above finished without resolving the conflicts that existed between those friends.
Sadly life does not have the same certain ending. The director doesnt make sure that all the loose ends are tied up before the final scene. It sort of stops and makes you think...if something needs to be mended, maybe there is no time like the present. Of course sometimes those ties are severed because of burns so deep only time can heal the wound. Other times we learn that perhaps there was no friendship there to begin with...it was just years of blindly believing that there was.
These "Eternal Friends" from television usually go through one fiasco after the next, and its the bonds between the friends that gets them through it. Usually that experience makes the friendship stronger, as it is the same in our lives (hopefully with a tad less drama). However once again, in real life there are not always such happy endings. Relationships change...and cause pain. The "always" turns to "not anymore", the "Love" turns to "like" or sometimes less, and the "Never" sometimes turns to "maybe just once."
We always joke at work that our lives could be a reality TV show, because it's these three passionate words that always cause all the drama in our lives. Much like television, the main characters move from relationship to relationship, and when the relationship is over that guest character is written off the show...but the MAIN characters, those people in our lives who we are more cautious with using these words, remain.
That's why the pain is so deep when they fall apart. I think of the people who swore they would "always" be there, and sad to say they are not. The people who I took the risk to let them get to that level are the very ones who are no longer there. They are also the people who when we see them out someplace, we get that feeling in our depths. That sickening, almost nautious tiwtch in our soul. That's because when WE used the "love" or the "always" we really meant it. We spiritually signed a contract, and now that it's been broken, we still love them n less....no matter how many years have passed.
In my life, I can think of a few. My child-hood best friends who we knew we would "always" be friends, but then they learned I was gay, and suddenly the "always" became a "not anymore". The friend in Seminary in whom I confided every detail of my life, who we shared a love that was fueled with more "love" then any Life Partner...who turned away when I left school and chose to live a gay lifestyle. Or of course we all have those ex'es who we let get to that point, to that place in our heart and soul...but for whatever reason it didn't stay for them. Of course there are those too who didn't break these precious words by choice, but because of a situation, a move, an uncontrolable change, or of course the Good Lord called them home.
As we reflect however, we have to remember that there have been times when we may have been the one to not follow through for whatever reason. Reasons we justify when we are the ones breaking something off...but cannot forgive when it's the other person doing the breaking. The difficult part about life is that it's NOT a television show. We don't have a script. We do the best we can from day to day to not get hurt, and to not hurt others. Sometimes it's not enough, and sometimes we are lucky enough to get it right.
So maybe we need to bear certain things in mind...Never say "never", Be sure about "always", and be careful with "love". As much as I talk about never having regrets because at one time it's exactly what you wanted...these are the areas in my life where I DO have regret... those areas where I wish I had or hadn't used those words the way I did....as do we all....but these are also the situations that help define us as who we are today...or who we are not.
Spock in his last moments dropped an "Always" with Kirk, and Kirk and company responded, recognizing the responsibility that came with those words. we must remember to do the same, because that's how we avoid hurting someone else...by remembering that those three words come with responsibility, a responsibility that is not always easy or convienient.
The Cure
While digging through old blogs as part of my reflection for the one I will be posting shortly, I came accross this old one from a few years back and thought I'd re-post it:
(It's old, so my style is definately a bit different.)
________________________________________________________
X-Men is a series of movies that every Homosexual ought to see. The homosexual overtones are amazingly clear...though certainly not intentional. Im sure we all know the basic premise of the series. Mutants...men and women with extraordinary powers and abilities, and they are faced with the choice to use them for either good or evil. Prof X and his clan are the good guys, while Magneto and company are the bad. The government, in the final movie of the series, creates a "cure" for mutants. A shot that strips the mutant of their abilities.
The first few movies delt with things like young people coming to terms with the fact that they were mutants. "Coming out" to their parents as mutants. The parents reaction was similar to the reactions of so many people in our lives as gay folk. "This is what youve chosen." "Have you tried NOT being a mutant?" "Let's not jump to conclusions, maybe your going through a phase." Some were banished from their families, and friends. In this final film, the mutant community is outraged that the government has found a "cure", because they dont need a "cure" there is nothing wrong with them! They are mutants. Its not a disease, its who they are.
I know my family views homosexuality as a mix of these things. My mother I think views it as a choice first and foremost, a choice that is spurred by this "disease". So many in seminary would speak of homosexuality as a "cross" that had to be borne. And prayed to one day find a cure. Gay seminarians denied their homosexuality, believing it was a shameful thing that they had been smitten with. Although the producers of XMen certainly were not maki ng a movie about gay rights, they were making a movie about rights, about prejudice, about tolerance, and about a society who is sometimes quite ignorant.
The athourities pointed to the evil mutants as an example of why the mutant cure was so important. Much like society points to certain things to demonstrate the homosexual stereotype, that we sometimes build ourselves.
The movie left me thinking. If a "cure" for homosexuality was discovered would I want it? I certainly would have to say 110 percent NO. The challange for the mutants was to figure out how to healthily blend their mutant-ness into their everyday lives. It was certainly a part of who they were but the entirety of who they were. I think its the same for all of us (gays). I think I am at a point in my life where my being gay is no longer the summation of who I am. Its a part of it, just like being portuguese, catholic, a gemeni, etc etc. All the things that contribute to making us who we are. If you think about it, a str8 man doesnt spend his life integrating his heterosexuality into his being...well he does...its called puberty. I think that when a gay man "comes out" he goes through puberty again. Its unique in our community because we come out at all different ages.
The screaming thing that the movie demonstrates is that ignorance exists towards all people who are in some way "different" for lack of a better word. In history so many have experienced bigotry; women, various ethnic groups, gays, in the ficticious future - mutants, lol. But look at the lesson taught to us by these other members of society. In the 60s a black man and a white man had to drink from different water fountains, yet today we dont even think twice about ethnic differences. Its not even a part of our thought process. And XMen ends the same way, with a mutant holding a government office. The same will happen with the gay community. The more being gay becomes a PART of who we are instead of something that we find the need to identify.
I think this is why the XMen were such heros to kids in their early teens. Those are years that are formative, where all of us, gay or str8, experience feelings like we are different, and no one understands us. Even the young mind of a 13 year old can identify what makes the XMen heros...the fact that they are different and have these gifts is not something that they are ashamed of...but rather something that they have integrated and made a part of them. They realized that their powers are "gifts" not crosses.
I have said before, and I say again. If there were a "cure" for homosexuality, Id tell them to stick it. Being gay is a gift, just like every single other aspect of what makes us who we are is a gift. Gay or straight. They are gifts because they are tiny details that God saw fit to make a part of us. You may be French, I am portuguese, both are Gods special gifts to us as individuals. Being gay or straight is no different...or being a mutant...so why would one want to change it? God's creation is exactly as He wants it - it always is.
(It's old, so my style is definately a bit different.)
________________________________________________________
X-Men is a series of movies that every Homosexual ought to see. The homosexual overtones are amazingly clear...though certainly not intentional. Im sure we all know the basic premise of the series. Mutants...men and women with extraordinary powers and abilities, and they are faced with the choice to use them for either good or evil. Prof X and his clan are the good guys, while Magneto and company are the bad. The government, in the final movie of the series, creates a "cure" for mutants. A shot that strips the mutant of their abilities.
The first few movies delt with things like young people coming to terms with the fact that they were mutants. "Coming out" to their parents as mutants. The parents reaction was similar to the reactions of so many people in our lives as gay folk. "This is what youve chosen." "Have you tried NOT being a mutant?" "Let's not jump to conclusions, maybe your going through a phase." Some were banished from their families, and friends. In this final film, the mutant community is outraged that the government has found a "cure", because they dont need a "cure" there is nothing wrong with them! They are mutants. Its not a disease, its who they are.
I know my family views homosexuality as a mix of these things. My mother I think views it as a choice first and foremost, a choice that is spurred by this "disease". So many in seminary would speak of homosexuality as a "cross" that had to be borne. And prayed to one day find a cure. Gay seminarians denied their homosexuality, believing it was a shameful thing that they had been smitten with. Although the producers of XMen certainly were not maki ng a movie about gay rights, they were making a movie about rights, about prejudice, about tolerance, and about a society who is sometimes quite ignorant.
The athourities pointed to the evil mutants as an example of why the mutant cure was so important. Much like society points to certain things to demonstrate the homosexual stereotype, that we sometimes build ourselves.
The movie left me thinking. If a "cure" for homosexuality was discovered would I want it? I certainly would have to say 110 percent NO. The challange for the mutants was to figure out how to healthily blend their mutant-ness into their everyday lives. It was certainly a part of who they were but the entirety of who they were. I think its the same for all of us (gays). I think I am at a point in my life where my being gay is no longer the summation of who I am. Its a part of it, just like being portuguese, catholic, a gemeni, etc etc. All the things that contribute to making us who we are. If you think about it, a str8 man doesnt spend his life integrating his heterosexuality into his being...well he does...its called puberty. I think that when a gay man "comes out" he goes through puberty again. Its unique in our community because we come out at all different ages.
The screaming thing that the movie demonstrates is that ignorance exists towards all people who are in some way "different" for lack of a better word. In history so many have experienced bigotry; women, various ethnic groups, gays, in the ficticious future - mutants, lol. But look at the lesson taught to us by these other members of society. In the 60s a black man and a white man had to drink from different water fountains, yet today we dont even think twice about ethnic differences. Its not even a part of our thought process. And XMen ends the same way, with a mutant holding a government office. The same will happen with the gay community. The more being gay becomes a PART of who we are instead of something that we find the need to identify.
I think this is why the XMen were such heros to kids in their early teens. Those are years that are formative, where all of us, gay or str8, experience feelings like we are different, and no one understands us. Even the young mind of a 13 year old can identify what makes the XMen heros...the fact that they are different and have these gifts is not something that they are ashamed of...but rather something that they have integrated and made a part of them. They realized that their powers are "gifts" not crosses.
I have said before, and I say again. If there were a "cure" for homosexuality, Id tell them to stick it. Being gay is a gift, just like every single other aspect of what makes us who we are is a gift. Gay or straight. They are gifts because they are tiny details that God saw fit to make a part of us. You may be French, I am portuguese, both are Gods special gifts to us as individuals. Being gay or straight is no different...or being a mutant...so why would one want to change it? God's creation is exactly as He wants it - it always is.
Investments
Last night I was sitting at a bar talking with a well respected professional friend of mine who is a new found follower of my blog. We were talking about the entry about Lent, where I talk about sacrifice. He said to me, "What I always think is that it's not so much about me GIVING UP something but more about me INVESTING in something."
It makes sense as I started to think about it. A parent makes sacrifices all the time for their children, however it isn't so much that they are giving something up, but rather they are investing, so that the child can have a better future. Sacrifices that we make during Lent can be an investment in our relationship with God. Sacrifices in relationships are investments in a better, more solid love between you and the other person.
Perhaps even in the rest of our lives we can see places that are investments. Like a job we may think is pointless can be an investment in a future with another company down the line. Or a past job that we hated may have assissted in where we are now, in a different place. Maybe thats what people mean when they talk about learning from thier mistakes. We make mistakes along the way in all areas of our lives, but they make up who we are today...all investments.
Typically a sacrifice is an unselfish act that we do for another person. Yet an investment is usually something we do for ourselves in the future. But is there really such a thing as purely unselfish act? To sacrifice in a religious setting is more for the purpose of gaining merit with God, so that isn't actually unselfish. Eating fish on Fridays in Lent, a Catholic tradition, is observed by most of the faithful due to a fear of Hell...much like most of organized religion. It is the fear of damnation, the threat of hell, that inspires one to follow their religion's decrees. They are investing in salvation.
So what is a purely unselfish act? Buying a drink for someone at a bar (Unless of course your trying to sleep with them) would be an unselfish act. YOu want to do something nice for this person, maybe you've been sitting next to them and you engaged in conversation, etc. Religiously speaking, any sacrifice, or action that we do and then talk about loose merit because they are made public, but if merrit was a concern to begin with, it's not really unselfish.
So then maybe during Lent its best to focus on the small random acts of kindness. The truely unselfish, pure, extentions of ourselves to someone else with no hope of reward of any kind. Sacrificial investment is a part of life, and a part of relational duties but eually important are those small things, that perhaps may even go unnoticed by the recipient.
It makes sense as I started to think about it. A parent makes sacrifices all the time for their children, however it isn't so much that they are giving something up, but rather they are investing, so that the child can have a better future. Sacrifices that we make during Lent can be an investment in our relationship with God. Sacrifices in relationships are investments in a better, more solid love between you and the other person.
Perhaps even in the rest of our lives we can see places that are investments. Like a job we may think is pointless can be an investment in a future with another company down the line. Or a past job that we hated may have assissted in where we are now, in a different place. Maybe thats what people mean when they talk about learning from thier mistakes. We make mistakes along the way in all areas of our lives, but they make up who we are today...all investments.
Typically a sacrifice is an unselfish act that we do for another person. Yet an investment is usually something we do for ourselves in the future. But is there really such a thing as purely unselfish act? To sacrifice in a religious setting is more for the purpose of gaining merit with God, so that isn't actually unselfish. Eating fish on Fridays in Lent, a Catholic tradition, is observed by most of the faithful due to a fear of Hell...much like most of organized religion. It is the fear of damnation, the threat of hell, that inspires one to follow their religion's decrees. They are investing in salvation.
So what is a purely unselfish act? Buying a drink for someone at a bar (Unless of course your trying to sleep with them) would be an unselfish act. YOu want to do something nice for this person, maybe you've been sitting next to them and you engaged in conversation, etc. Religiously speaking, any sacrifice, or action that we do and then talk about loose merit because they are made public, but if merrit was a concern to begin with, it's not really unselfish.
So then maybe during Lent its best to focus on the small random acts of kindness. The truely unselfish, pure, extentions of ourselves to someone else with no hope of reward of any kind. Sacrificial investment is a part of life, and a part of relational duties but eually important are those small things, that perhaps may even go unnoticed by the recipient.
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