Always

Always is one of the words that should be put on the "Careful to Use" list. Always, Never, and Love...they are the three words that are most over-used, and usually innappropriately used. They are the words that cause an overwhelming amount of drama when mis-used. They shatter lives when they are broken, and change lives when they are used.

I started thinking about it while watching my favorite Star Trek Movie today, the Wrath of Khan...Spock is trapped in a room full of toxic gas, and facing imminent death. Kirk races down to the engine room to see what happened, but the room is sealed by a thick glass. Spock trapped on one side, and Captain Kirk on the other. Friends from youth seperated by glass at the moment of death. Spock's last words to Kirk are words of assurance, "I have been and ever shall be your friend."

Science Fiction being what it is, naturally they find a way to bring Spock back in the next film, but not without a price. Kirk and Company risk EVERYTHING, their careers, their very lives. Kirk looses the Enterprise which he loved so dearly after commanding it for decades...and his only son. All to bring back Spock.
I have been at the bedside of a dear friend, and that moment is one that lives forever in my heart and in my head, and Im sure that it always will. If I could have I would have gone to the same lengths to bring him back.

Obviously it is the depth of love that exists between the two people that makes that moment so profound. Look at Television and Movies...The drama, humor, and movement of the scenes are all motivated by the emotion between the characters. Weather its the two friends traying to stay allive from some wacko murderer in a horror film, or the "gang" (Like in 90210, Dawsons Creek, QAF, Saved By The Bell, etc etc etc). Many of them are based on the eternal nature of these friendships. None of the series listed above finished without resolving the conflicts that existed between those friends.

Sadly life does not have the same certain ending. The director doesnt make sure that all the loose ends are tied up before the final scene. It sort of stops and makes you think...if something needs to be mended, maybe there is no time like the present. Of course sometimes those ties are severed because of burns so deep only time can heal the wound. Other times we learn that perhaps there was no friendship there to begin with...it was just years of blindly believing that there was.

These "Eternal Friends" from television usually go through one fiasco after the next, and its the bonds between the friends that gets them through it. Usually that experience makes the friendship stronger, as it is the same in our lives (hopefully with a tad less drama). However once again, in real life there are not always such happy endings. Relationships change...and cause pain. The "always" turns to "not anymore", the "Love" turns to "like" or sometimes less, and the "Never" sometimes turns to "maybe just once."

We always joke at work that our lives could be a reality TV show, because it's these three passionate words that always cause all the drama in our lives. Much like television, the main characters move from relationship to relationship, and when the relationship is over that guest character is written off the show...but the MAIN characters, those people in our lives who we are more cautious with using these words, remain.

That's why the pain is so deep when they fall apart. I think of the people who swore they would "always" be there, and sad to say they are not. The people who I took the risk to let them get to that level are the very ones who are no longer there. They are also the people who when we see them out someplace, we get that feeling in our depths. That sickening, almost nautious tiwtch in our soul. That's because when WE used the "love" or the "always" we really meant it. We spiritually signed a contract, and now that it's been broken, we still love them n less....no matter how many years have passed.

In my life, I can think of a few. My child-hood best friends who we knew we would "always" be friends, but then they learned I was gay, and suddenly the "always" became a "not anymore". The friend in Seminary in whom I confided every detail of my life, who we shared a love that was fueled with more "love" then any Life Partner...who turned away when I left school and chose to live a gay lifestyle. Or of course we all have those ex'es who we let get to that point, to that place in our heart and soul...but for whatever reason it didn't stay for them. Of course there are those too who didn't break these precious words by choice, but because of a situation, a move, an uncontrolable change, or of course the Good Lord called them home.

As we reflect however, we have to remember that there have been times when we may have been the one to not follow through for whatever reason. Reasons we justify when we are the ones breaking something off...but cannot forgive when it's the other person doing the breaking. The difficult part about life is that it's NOT a television show. We don't have a script. We do the best we can from day to day to not get hurt, and to not hurt others. Sometimes it's not enough, and sometimes we are lucky enough to get it right.

So maybe we need to bear certain things in mind...Never say "never", Be sure about "always", and be careful with "love". As much as I talk about never having regrets because at one time it's exactly what you wanted...these are the areas in my life where I DO have regret... those areas where I wish I had or hadn't used those words the way I did....as do we all....but these are also the situations that help define us as who we are today...or who we are not.

Spock in his last moments dropped an "Always" with Kirk, and Kirk and company responded, recognizing the responsibility that came with those words. we must remember to do the same, because that's how we avoid hurting someone else...by remembering that those three words come with responsibility, a responsibility that is not always easy or convienient.