This week in the Gospel, Jesus invites his followers "Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while." I have decided to heed that advice by taking a few days off from work. As I begin my gradual escape from the city, I do so with a spirit of contemplation, and a light heart.
What is it about Birthdays that makes us so excited? Maybe it's the victory that we feel inside for surviving another year. Maybe it's the joy of having something to celebrate in a life that is filled with so many challenges, disappointments, and struggles. Maybe it gives us a chance to stop thinking about ourselves, and focus on someone else, even if it's just for a day.
Birthdays are always a time to think. A time to celebrate the accomplishments of the last year...no matter how small. It's a time to think about the impact we have had on others, and a time to set goals for the year to come.
My 25th birthday was celebrated in the company of good friends, in the Eternal City of Rome. I remember standing on the roof of the Minerva Hotel, and looking out over the city of Rome, I whispered a silent prayer to God. A prayer that will only be answered in God's time. It's like that silent unspoken wish that we make when we blow out the candles on the birthday cake. God did answer a part of that prayer, in Joshua.
Today Joshua blows out the candles on his cake. He utters those silent prayers and supplications to God. He wishes for all the blessings and opportunities that God has in store for him this year. Happy Birthday Joshua. I pray that all of your dreams and wishes come true. Thank you for making one of my wishes come true, and I pray that this is the first of many birthdays that we will celebrate together. As they say in Latin, "Ad Multos Gloriosque Anos!!"
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Goodbyes
Have you ever said goodbye to a friend? We all have. There are any number of reasons why a friend leaves a fold, to return home, to move away from home, work, or just a need for change, whatever the reason is...we have all had that moment, that TV sitcom moment where we hug a friend, and realize we have no idea when we will see them again. That moment when some sappy song plays in our head as various moments and memories pass through our minds, of that person through the years as we say goodbye.
This weekend the Providence Community says goodbye to someone who has become one of our own. Ty. I think until the onset of Facebook, many people didn't even know his last name. He was simply, "Ty", and we all knew him. We all have memories with Ty, and I would wager that we could each write an entire blog filled memories of times with Ty. I personally have many such memories. Those memories range from Downtown Providence, to the Beach, Randolf Country Club, Twin River, Parties, Restaurants, and everything in between. To me he was a very special friend, who I know I will miss dearly. That's why I wanted to write a blog about him. You see, Ty is one of my best friends...and he is one of the few people in the world about whom many people can say that. For most of us, our friendships with Ty began over a cocktail, and a lot of laughs. For nearly all of us, it grew into more then that.
We all joke about each other all the time, when one of us has too much to drink. We like to point fingers at each other about someone being "a drunken mess", or what have you...well we have all been there...and one of the joys of Ty is that he is always the first person to laugh at himself, and if he laughs at you, he's usually sitting with you, and your laughing along with him. That's not because he thinks life is a joke, it's because he realizes that so much of our lives is dark, and heavy, and stressful...so let's look on the lighter side whenever we possibly can.
It is all together appropriate that the Gospel this coming weekend talks about Jesus sending the Disciples out into the world, to spread the Christian message, and further the spread of the Gospel. He instructs them to go out into the world, with no money, armed with nothing but their faith. His instructions to them are clear, "Wherever you go, enter a house, stay there until you leave. Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave there and shake the dust off your feet in testimony against them."
Ty carries with him the message of Christ everywhere he goes. The message of Christ is unconditional love, and he carries nothing but love, in his smile, his kindness, his laugh, and his spirit. I don't think I've ever ordered a round of shots with him next to me, and actually paid for it, because he either A. orders first, or B. slaps his money down on the bar first. At fundraisers, and benefits we have all heard him scream, "it's for charity!!" And certainly any one of us who is a bartender in this town, cannot even begin to consider arguing his generosity.
This generosity is never limited to money. I remember sitting at my computer one Saturday afternoon, lost because of a relationship that had just fallen to pieces around me. . . and it felt like my life was in just as may pieces. Ty was online at the same time, fifteen minutes later we were walking down Snow Street, and he was listening to my every tear. He has sat by my side at Church, and joined me in prayer on Church days that he knew were important to me. When I was out of work, he set me up with shifts at his work, literally putting money in my pocket when I was counting Nickels.
You see, that is the life of Christ in the everyday real world. There are the Mother Theresas and the Pope John Pauls, and the heroes of Church history. Then there are the everyday, normal folks, who live the same message, and don't even realize they are doing it...because it's just who they are. These are the people that are the face of Jesus Christ, in our everyday life. No doubt wherever Ty goes in this world, and throughout the course of his life, he will enter peoples homes, hearts, and lives with that spirit of joy that defines his very nature, and in places where it is not welcome, he will walk away...and it will be that place's loss.
Now he leaves us...he has entered "the house of our hearts", and indeed he has stayed there as Jesus said. However he will stay with us when he leaves. Through the years Ty has been for me a very dear friend. We will all miss him, and weather you say goodbye to him at DownCity on Saturday night, or at State on Sunday pray that it is not the last hug. It certainly better not be the last cocktail!
This weekend the Providence Community says goodbye to someone who has become one of our own. Ty. I think until the onset of Facebook, many people didn't even know his last name. He was simply, "Ty", and we all knew him. We all have memories with Ty, and I would wager that we could each write an entire blog filled memories of times with Ty. I personally have many such memories. Those memories range from Downtown Providence, to the Beach, Randolf Country Club, Twin River, Parties, Restaurants, and everything in between. To me he was a very special friend, who I know I will miss dearly. That's why I wanted to write a blog about him. You see, Ty is one of my best friends...and he is one of the few people in the world about whom many people can say that. For most of us, our friendships with Ty began over a cocktail, and a lot of laughs. For nearly all of us, it grew into more then that.
We all joke about each other all the time, when one of us has too much to drink. We like to point fingers at each other about someone being "a drunken mess", or what have you...well we have all been there...and one of the joys of Ty is that he is always the first person to laugh at himself, and if he laughs at you, he's usually sitting with you, and your laughing along with him. That's not because he thinks life is a joke, it's because he realizes that so much of our lives is dark, and heavy, and stressful...so let's look on the lighter side whenever we possibly can.
It is all together appropriate that the Gospel this coming weekend talks about Jesus sending the Disciples out into the world, to spread the Christian message, and further the spread of the Gospel. He instructs them to go out into the world, with no money, armed with nothing but their faith. His instructions to them are clear, "Wherever you go, enter a house, stay there until you leave. Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave there and shake the dust off your feet in testimony against them."
Ty carries with him the message of Christ everywhere he goes. The message of Christ is unconditional love, and he carries nothing but love, in his smile, his kindness, his laugh, and his spirit. I don't think I've ever ordered a round of shots with him next to me, and actually paid for it, because he either A. orders first, or B. slaps his money down on the bar first. At fundraisers, and benefits we have all heard him scream, "it's for charity!!" And certainly any one of us who is a bartender in this town, cannot even begin to consider arguing his generosity.
This generosity is never limited to money. I remember sitting at my computer one Saturday afternoon, lost because of a relationship that had just fallen to pieces around me. . . and it felt like my life was in just as may pieces. Ty was online at the same time, fifteen minutes later we were walking down Snow Street, and he was listening to my every tear. He has sat by my side at Church, and joined me in prayer on Church days that he knew were important to me. When I was out of work, he set me up with shifts at his work, literally putting money in my pocket when I was counting Nickels.
You see, that is the life of Christ in the everyday real world. There are the Mother Theresas and the Pope John Pauls, and the heroes of Church history. Then there are the everyday, normal folks, who live the same message, and don't even realize they are doing it...because it's just who they are. These are the people that are the face of Jesus Christ, in our everyday life. No doubt wherever Ty goes in this world, and throughout the course of his life, he will enter peoples homes, hearts, and lives with that spirit of joy that defines his very nature, and in places where it is not welcome, he will walk away...and it will be that place's loss.
Now he leaves us...he has entered "the house of our hearts", and indeed he has stayed there as Jesus said. However he will stay with us when he leaves. Through the years Ty has been for me a very dear friend. We will all miss him, and weather you say goodbye to him at DownCity on Saturday night, or at State on Sunday pray that it is not the last hug. It certainly better not be the last cocktail!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Stars and Stripes Forever
Nothing is free in this world. Usually the things of most value come at the greatest cost. We know that from fashion, cars, homes, even alcohol...the higher the quality, the higher the price. Even non-tangible things cannot escape this most basic principle.
Love has a price. Sometimes we are forced to look at ourselves and acknowledge our shortcomings, and we end up making changes...but we don't mind doing it, because its love...and at the end of the day we are in fact grateful. In friendships, we often may have to eat crow a little bit, or sacrifice something...but again we do it with joy, and we don't mind doing it, because its for a friend. We prioritize things in our lives. We decline a night on the town, in favor of putting a hundred more dollars towards that vacation we want to go on. We opt to dine at home to put an extra fifty bucks towards that special night next week. We may stay in a cheap hotel on a weekend getaway, so we can have some extra money to spend while we are away. We make career choices that may mean less weekly income, but better long term results.
Our faith is no different. Monday was the Feast of Saints Peter and Paul, two men who valued the Christian Faith of greater value then their own lives, and paid the ultimate price for the sake of the Gospel. Without their sacrifice, the Gospel message would have died with Christ, but they kept it alive, and carried to all corners of the Earth. Two thousand years later, men enter the Seminary, and pay a high price. They hand over their freedom, their opportunity to find love, and start a family, they hand over the possibility of living a life of worldly success, all in the name of that same goal...that same High Price Item...Faith.
The same is certainly said of Freedom. Saturday is the Fourth of July, and we remember the centuries of men and women who ever single day put their lives on the line, and so many have paid that ultimate price...for freedom. For our freedom.
What about us? What price is too high for us to be willing to pay? President Obama called on students at Notre Dame University to consider this very question. He reminded them that 163 graduating classes sat in the same seats as them. Many did so in years of great prosperity, and many others did so in years of great peace. He reminded them;
"You, however, are not getting off that easy. Your class has come of age at a moment of great consequence for our nation and the world - a rare inflection point in history where the size and scope of the challenges before us require that we remake our world to renew its promise; that we align our deepest values and commitments to the demands of a new age. It is a privilege and a responsibility afforded to few generations - and a task that you are now called to fulfill."
The president's words to the graduating class of Notre Dame can be spoken to any American today. Not only in the view of our National challenges, but even in our everyday lives. What price are we willing to pay for the things that we want? I don't mean just the cars, computers, novelties, and dinners either. How much are we willing to pay for happiness? How much are we willing to sacrifice? For the ones we love, that answer is easy. We are willing to sacrifice anything, even our pride, for the ones we love. Just like it was a no brainer for Peter and Paul, and those men and women of the Military, it's a no brainer for us to give 110 percent for the ones we love. But what about the more difficult decisions?
What price are we willing to pay to achieve our goals? How much are we willing to spend, of our very selves, to see our dreams come true. My mind wanders to another hero who is honored this week. Father Bert Richman was the priest at my home Parish during my very formative High School years. I have spoken of him before. He was the reason I entered the Seminary. He was like a second father to me. We talked about nearly everything that ever passed through my mind. He taught me my faith, but he did so through his daily life. When I was in my first year of Seminary his fight with Cancer became insurmountable. The treatments had destroyed him, and even when his feet were numb, and he could no longer stand, he sacrificed his pride and allowed us to hold him upright so that he could celebrate the Sacraments. On July 3rd, 2000 Almighty God relieved him of his torture, and called him home to Himself. The day he entered Seminary he gave his life to the Church, for the sake of the Gospel, and his faith...and every moment that he lived until his final breath that fateful day, was a monument to his faith, the Gospel, and the Christian life.
The lesson that Father Bert, Peter and Paul, and the men and women of our Armed Forces teach me is that no price is too high for something that really matters. We are the ones who have to decide what matters, and what is worth a price that high. Are our goals, our hopes, our dreams...are they worth that much? Are they so highly valued that we cannot place a price on them? That was the way I felt when I was in Seminary, that's why I worked so hard to reach my Ordination Day, until little by little it felt like I was chasing a shadow, instead of a goal. That's when we loose hope, that's when our hearts turn to despair, and depression...when the value of these things drop, and we are willing to spend less and less...and we start to settle.
Nothing in this world is free. As we push towards the hope of Summer (even though it should be a third of the way over already), I hope none of us ever forget that. It's only been recently that I have started to discover these high priced things in my own life. It's only in the last 6 months or so, that I have a drive again...for the first time since seminary...to achieve a goal, to reach for dreams, and to be willing to pay those prices for what matters. In realizing these things in ourselves, we can find hope, energy, and a strong drive for what matters. It drove Peter and Paul to persevere through persecution, a fight they did not abandon even when faced with execution. It drove Fr. Bert in his battle with Cancer. It drove, and continues to drive, our Armed Forces. The words of our President are true, each moment of our lives is "a rare inflection point in history", in our history. Each challenge, each speed bump, each reward, and every downfall, is an opportunity to move closer, to take a step. Every moment of everyday we make another payment on that price tag...because nothing in this world is free.
Love has a price. Sometimes we are forced to look at ourselves and acknowledge our shortcomings, and we end up making changes...but we don't mind doing it, because its love...and at the end of the day we are in fact grateful. In friendships, we often may have to eat crow a little bit, or sacrifice something...but again we do it with joy, and we don't mind doing it, because its for a friend. We prioritize things in our lives. We decline a night on the town, in favor of putting a hundred more dollars towards that vacation we want to go on. We opt to dine at home to put an extra fifty bucks towards that special night next week. We may stay in a cheap hotel on a weekend getaway, so we can have some extra money to spend while we are away. We make career choices that may mean less weekly income, but better long term results.
Our faith is no different. Monday was the Feast of Saints Peter and Paul, two men who valued the Christian Faith of greater value then their own lives, and paid the ultimate price for the sake of the Gospel. Without their sacrifice, the Gospel message would have died with Christ, but they kept it alive, and carried to all corners of the Earth. Two thousand years later, men enter the Seminary, and pay a high price. They hand over their freedom, their opportunity to find love, and start a family, they hand over the possibility of living a life of worldly success, all in the name of that same goal...that same High Price Item...Faith.
The same is certainly said of Freedom. Saturday is the Fourth of July, and we remember the centuries of men and women who ever single day put their lives on the line, and so many have paid that ultimate price...for freedom. For our freedom.
What about us? What price is too high for us to be willing to pay? President Obama called on students at Notre Dame University to consider this very question. He reminded them that 163 graduating classes sat in the same seats as them. Many did so in years of great prosperity, and many others did so in years of great peace. He reminded them;
"You, however, are not getting off that easy. Your class has come of age at a moment of great consequence for our nation and the world - a rare inflection point in history where the size and scope of the challenges before us require that we remake our world to renew its promise; that we align our deepest values and commitments to the demands of a new age. It is a privilege and a responsibility afforded to few generations - and a task that you are now called to fulfill."
The president's words to the graduating class of Notre Dame can be spoken to any American today. Not only in the view of our National challenges, but even in our everyday lives. What price are we willing to pay for the things that we want? I don't mean just the cars, computers, novelties, and dinners either. How much are we willing to pay for happiness? How much are we willing to sacrifice? For the ones we love, that answer is easy. We are willing to sacrifice anything, even our pride, for the ones we love. Just like it was a no brainer for Peter and Paul, and those men and women of the Military, it's a no brainer for us to give 110 percent for the ones we love. But what about the more difficult decisions?
What price are we willing to pay to achieve our goals? How much are we willing to spend, of our very selves, to see our dreams come true. My mind wanders to another hero who is honored this week. Father Bert Richman was the priest at my home Parish during my very formative High School years. I have spoken of him before. He was the reason I entered the Seminary. He was like a second father to me. We talked about nearly everything that ever passed through my mind. He taught me my faith, but he did so through his daily life. When I was in my first year of Seminary his fight with Cancer became insurmountable. The treatments had destroyed him, and even when his feet were numb, and he could no longer stand, he sacrificed his pride and allowed us to hold him upright so that he could celebrate the Sacraments. On July 3rd, 2000 Almighty God relieved him of his torture, and called him home to Himself. The day he entered Seminary he gave his life to the Church, for the sake of the Gospel, and his faith...and every moment that he lived until his final breath that fateful day, was a monument to his faith, the Gospel, and the Christian life.
The lesson that Father Bert, Peter and Paul, and the men and women of our Armed Forces teach me is that no price is too high for something that really matters. We are the ones who have to decide what matters, and what is worth a price that high. Are our goals, our hopes, our dreams...are they worth that much? Are they so highly valued that we cannot place a price on them? That was the way I felt when I was in Seminary, that's why I worked so hard to reach my Ordination Day, until little by little it felt like I was chasing a shadow, instead of a goal. That's when we loose hope, that's when our hearts turn to despair, and depression...when the value of these things drop, and we are willing to spend less and less...and we start to settle.
Nothing in this world is free. As we push towards the hope of Summer (even though it should be a third of the way over already), I hope none of us ever forget that. It's only been recently that I have started to discover these high priced things in my own life. It's only in the last 6 months or so, that I have a drive again...for the first time since seminary...to achieve a goal, to reach for dreams, and to be willing to pay those prices for what matters. In realizing these things in ourselves, we can find hope, energy, and a strong drive for what matters. It drove Peter and Paul to persevere through persecution, a fight they did not abandon even when faced with execution. It drove Fr. Bert in his battle with Cancer. It drove, and continues to drive, our Armed Forces. The words of our President are true, each moment of our lives is "a rare inflection point in history", in our history. Each challenge, each speed bump, each reward, and every downfall, is an opportunity to move closer, to take a step. Every moment of everyday we make another payment on that price tag...because nothing in this world is free.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Talitha Koum
The Gospel this weekend speaks of death. the first Reading talks about how death was not an intended part of life, and how it was the Sin of Man that brought death into the world. The Gospel tells the story of Jesus raising from the dead a young girl whose family begged the Lord to bring her back, taken from them so early in her life.
Yesterday the Music world suffered the loss of Michael Jackson. This passing did not touch me at first. Seeing that I was born in 1981, the Jackson 5 was not a huge part of my initial musical upbringing. It wasn't until today when I was talking with a friend and watching the specials on the news when I discovered just all the work that Jackson did for the African American Community. His videos would not at first be aired on MTV because they were a "rock station" and rock was the "white man's music". This statement was made in the 80's...well past the time when so many people had given their lives for the cause of equality. Well past the days of segregated water fountains, segregated schools, and the phrase of "sitting in the back of the bus".
Michael Jackson, despite his bizarre ways, and unique fashion senses, made strides in the equality movement for the African American Community. In the Gospel Jesus says to the little girl who he raises from the dead, "Talitha koum," which means "Little girl, I say to you, arise!". Lets pray that Jesus says the same to Michael Jackson, as he stand before the Lord in his final judgment.
The news today said that he left this world 500 Million dollars in debt, or some ridiculous number like that. How on Earth is there hope for us? If someone like Michael Jackson dies in such debt, how can us, the average Joe hope for any better? Perhaps there is a lesson in all this. Perhaps the words of Jesus apply to all of us, as we face our everyday trials and tribulations..."Talitha Koum." He calls to us to arise. To stand up, despite our struggles, because we only get one shot at this, and we are expected to make every day, every hour, every second count!
Yesterday the Music world suffered the loss of Michael Jackson. This passing did not touch me at first. Seeing that I was born in 1981, the Jackson 5 was not a huge part of my initial musical upbringing. It wasn't until today when I was talking with a friend and watching the specials on the news when I discovered just all the work that Jackson did for the African American Community. His videos would not at first be aired on MTV because they were a "rock station" and rock was the "white man's music". This statement was made in the 80's...well past the time when so many people had given their lives for the cause of equality. Well past the days of segregated water fountains, segregated schools, and the phrase of "sitting in the back of the bus".
Michael Jackson, despite his bizarre ways, and unique fashion senses, made strides in the equality movement for the African American Community. In the Gospel Jesus says to the little girl who he raises from the dead, "Talitha koum," which means "Little girl, I say to you, arise!". Lets pray that Jesus says the same to Michael Jackson, as he stand before the Lord in his final judgment.
The news today said that he left this world 500 Million dollars in debt, or some ridiculous number like that. How on Earth is there hope for us? If someone like Michael Jackson dies in such debt, how can us, the average Joe hope for any better? Perhaps there is a lesson in all this. Perhaps the words of Jesus apply to all of us, as we face our everyday trials and tribulations..."Talitha Koum." He calls to us to arise. To stand up, despite our struggles, because we only get one shot at this, and we are expected to make every day, every hour, every second count!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I Still Can't Dance
This weekend's Pride celebrations are over, and they leave me feeling quite reflective. Although I worked the entire weekend, on Sunday late afternoon, the boyfriend, myself, and my best friend hit the town for our own personal Pride celebration. The evening ended with us dancing at the Mirabar. The club was far from packed, and there was no rainbow glitter falling from the rafters, and the general spirit of Pride had more or less dissipated, but I still felt it, because I was there with the two people who matter most in my life.
My best friend turned to me as we were dancing and he said, "how many years have we been friends?" I replied, four. To which he responded, "four years, and you still cant dance!" I laughed heartily and thought about it. Indeed for the last four years he has commented on my proven inability to dance. It doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.
On Monday Joshua and I headed out to Bliss Dairy, a small restaurant in Attleboro which is much like Newport Creamery. We were talking on the way about how they used to serve Ice Cream Sundaes in miniature Baseball helmets. As my excitement built about this Helmet Sundae, I was then informed they no longer sold them. In fact, upon getting there, much of the place had changed, including the quality of their food.
Some things change, and some things change the same. Over the years there will always be those places and things that we look back on with a smile, but when we try to revisit them, they aren't the same anymore. They have changed. Sometimes they haven't changed at all, but rather we have, so our experience of them is different.
It made me think of myself. I spoke in my last entry about Pride being a celebration of ourselves as individuals. What was I celebrating? As we danced on Sunday night I thought about it a lot... What have I done to make me feel Proud? Certainly we are all unhappy with some parts of our lives, and we work everyday to improve those areas. I realized I am proud, proud of who I am, what Ive accomplished, the peoples lives Ive touched, the experiences I've had, and the man that I've become. I'm thankful for the people who have been with me along the way, the people who have encouraged me to improve, and the people who have challenged me when I've needed it.
I still can't dance, and I am sure I never will. . . and that's ok. That's what made that moment so endearing, that after four years of friendship we can still laugh about that flaw which he identified in me the moment we first met.
Last night I stopped off at Kareoke on my way home, and my friend sang the Lighthouse song "Hanging by a Moment". The song is about a person who recognizses in himself that he is missing something, and he has found it in a relationship. "I'm desperate for changing, Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you. I'm falling even more in love with you, Letting go of all i've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you." He finds fulfillment in the approval he gets from this other person. This other person, this love, has challanged him. . . and his ability to respond to that challange and become a better person makes him justifiably proud.
That's what love is. Love inspires us to change, and to grow. I still can't dance, but important people in my life have helped me to change in so many other ways. As I danced Sunday night I thought about how these two men have helped me to change and grow. . . in ways they may never know. So many people through the years will never have any clue how they may have helped me grow. How they helped me see the need to be more responsible, to be more dedicated, to look at myself from the outside, instead of viewing the world through my personal filter.
As Pride weekend begins to slide into the background, and all that remains are the pictures, the hangovers, and the empty cheaking accounts, I look forward to the coming year. I look forward to the many ways I hope to continue to grow and flourish. I look forward to next Pride when I feebily attempt to dance, and am reminded of all the good things that haven't changed, and all the things that have. All the improvements that will come, and the challanges I will have faced.
"There's nothing else to lose. Nothing else to find. There's nothing in the world, that can change my mind. There is nothing else . . . I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move. I'm hanging by a moment here with you"
The singer has found fulfillment in this relationship, and proudly declares that he isnt going anywhere unless he is told to. I make the same decleration. Those friendships that have stood strong in the test of time. . . I'm not going anywhere. The lover who affirms, challanges, loves, and adores me. . . I'm not going anywhere. I look forward to the joy that lies ahead in all these relationships, and the many ways that they will help me grow. I hope that every Pride for many countless years to come, we will be able to have a cocktail together while laughing about how I still can't dance.
My best friend turned to me as we were dancing and he said, "how many years have we been friends?" I replied, four. To which he responded, "four years, and you still cant dance!" I laughed heartily and thought about it. Indeed for the last four years he has commented on my proven inability to dance. It doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.
On Monday Joshua and I headed out to Bliss Dairy, a small restaurant in Attleboro which is much like Newport Creamery. We were talking on the way about how they used to serve Ice Cream Sundaes in miniature Baseball helmets. As my excitement built about this Helmet Sundae, I was then informed they no longer sold them. In fact, upon getting there, much of the place had changed, including the quality of their food.
Some things change, and some things change the same. Over the years there will always be those places and things that we look back on with a smile, but when we try to revisit them, they aren't the same anymore. They have changed. Sometimes they haven't changed at all, but rather we have, so our experience of them is different.
It made me think of myself. I spoke in my last entry about Pride being a celebration of ourselves as individuals. What was I celebrating? As we danced on Sunday night I thought about it a lot... What have I done to make me feel Proud? Certainly we are all unhappy with some parts of our lives, and we work everyday to improve those areas. I realized I am proud, proud of who I am, what Ive accomplished, the peoples lives Ive touched, the experiences I've had, and the man that I've become. I'm thankful for the people who have been with me along the way, the people who have encouraged me to improve, and the people who have challenged me when I've needed it.
I still can't dance, and I am sure I never will. . . and that's ok. That's what made that moment so endearing, that after four years of friendship we can still laugh about that flaw which he identified in me the moment we first met.
Last night I stopped off at Kareoke on my way home, and my friend sang the Lighthouse song "Hanging by a Moment". The song is about a person who recognizses in himself that he is missing something, and he has found it in a relationship. "I'm desperate for changing, Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you. I'm falling even more in love with you, Letting go of all i've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you." He finds fulfillment in the approval he gets from this other person. This other person, this love, has challanged him. . . and his ability to respond to that challange and become a better person makes him justifiably proud.
That's what love is. Love inspires us to change, and to grow. I still can't dance, but important people in my life have helped me to change in so many other ways. As I danced Sunday night I thought about how these two men have helped me to change and grow. . . in ways they may never know. So many people through the years will never have any clue how they may have helped me grow. How they helped me see the need to be more responsible, to be more dedicated, to look at myself from the outside, instead of viewing the world through my personal filter.
As Pride weekend begins to slide into the background, and all that remains are the pictures, the hangovers, and the empty cheaking accounts, I look forward to the coming year. I look forward to the many ways I hope to continue to grow and flourish. I look forward to next Pride when I feebily attempt to dance, and am reminded of all the good things that haven't changed, and all the things that have. All the improvements that will come, and the challanges I will have faced.
"There's nothing else to lose. Nothing else to find. There's nothing in the world, that can change my mind. There is nothing else . . . I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move. I'm hanging by a moment here with you"
The singer has found fulfillment in this relationship, and proudly declares that he isnt going anywhere unless he is told to. I make the same decleration. Those friendships that have stood strong in the test of time. . . I'm not going anywhere. The lover who affirms, challanges, loves, and adores me. . . I'm not going anywhere. I look forward to the joy that lies ahead in all these relationships, and the many ways that they will help me grow. I hope that every Pride for many countless years to come, we will be able to have a cocktail together while laughing about how I still can't dance.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Pride
It's here again, despite the rain, the GBLT Community prepares to celebrate Pride weekend. Tents are being erected, the clubs have extended their liquor orders, bartenders are resting for a weekend of non stop pouring, and everybody is a buzz about where they are going and what's going on. The celebration this weekend of course is a tradition in commemoration of the historic Stonewall Riot of June 28, 1969, when the GBLT community of Greenwich Village defended themselves against the bigotry and raids they had been experiencing for decades.
The gay community was so ostracized that the only place where they felt they could be open about who they were was in bars, like Stonewall, that were more or less underground. Stonewall in fact was owned by the Mafia, and not even a gay. Liquor was kept in secret panels and in cars outside in the event that the police were to raid them, and seize the liquor. Those weeks in late June of 1969 changed all that. What followed was the formation of Gay Rights Organizations across the nation. Most importantly, what began was the formation of a cohesive, organized, community that transcended generational, racial, and cultural differences.
Now it is 2009, and every year we organize this huge weekend long party to celebrate who we are. To celebrate "Pride". I often joke every year, "what are we so proud of?" At pride we are not saying that we are proud to be GAY, we certainly are not ashamed, but Pride runs much deeper then that. We celebrate the accomplishments of a community that went from hanging out in shady underground, mafia run bars, to what we are today. A community that boasted about equal rights and liberation in a time when African Americans were still fighting for rights. The women's movement was still in the final stages of earning their last few rights. Lyndon Johnson's "Affirmative Action Program" was working out some of it's kinks. For the Gay Community to explode across such a volatile nation took courage, strength, and pride.
Pride is also a time when we remember the rest of the hardships and victories that were to come in the following years. The HIV epidemic of the 80's, which left so many countless lives forever touched, also marked the beginning of a new battle. The murder of Matthew Shepherd in the late 90's reminded us that the whole world is in fact not accepting of Homosexuality, and there are still miles to go before true equality is accomplished. Equality however is not something that is legally achieved. Its not a bill that has to be passed in a courthouse or a statehouse. Equality is when I can walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend and no one will look twice, because the love between us is just as legitimate as the love between the straight couple walking past in the other direction. It is not a legal movement, its a movement in the hearts of those who cannot bring themselves to understand that God created us all different...different, but equal.
This weekend as the parties tear on into the late hours of the night we remember. Those of us who are of younger years often forget the challenges faced by earlier generations. It's very easy at 19 years old to realize that you are gay, and dive into a fairly large club world, and yell and scream for equal rights. The struggle that each of us go through in the coming out process is different to be sure, but remember the generations before who literally had their freedom, and at times their very lives at stake by setting foot in bars like Stonewall. We have the benefit of walking into an established community. This weekend is about allot more then a parade. We are not trying to rub our homosexuality in the straight world's face...rather we are celebrating an inheritance that had been handed down to us from decades before.
We celebrate ourselves as individuals, perhaps even beyond our homosexuality. It's a part of what makes me who I am but it is not the summit of my being. We all have hopes and dreams, family and friends, a life history and experiences that make us who we are. Our sexuality is woven through those things. That's why Pride is such a special weekend. We see those faces that at one time may have been a regular part of our lives, and we run into them at pride and share that brief, but moving encounter. "Oh my god how have you been?? Where are you living now???" Etc etc etc. Those who are celebrating their first Pride undoubtedly will establish memories that they will remember for years to come. Those of us who it isn't our first Pride will undoubtedly do all the remembering..."Remember last year when we did this, or we did that."
Pride is about so much more then a parade. It's about us, as individuals...because individuals are what makes up a community. So this weekend celebrate YOU. Celebrate the past that has made you the person you are, celebrate the people who have come and gone. Celebrate the people who have come and STAYED....because those people seem to be so few. Celebrate your lover, and the difference he/she has made in your life. That line from Queer as Folk comes to mind, "Mourn the losses because there will be plenty, but celebrate the victories, because there are so few." The losses however, are what makes the victories so sweet. So maybe we should celebrate those too, because they too played a part in the reality we live in.
Whatever you do this weekend, have a safe, and happy (despite the threat of rain) Pride 2009!!
The gay community was so ostracized that the only place where they felt they could be open about who they were was in bars, like Stonewall, that were more or less underground. Stonewall in fact was owned by the Mafia, and not even a gay. Liquor was kept in secret panels and in cars outside in the event that the police were to raid them, and seize the liquor. Those weeks in late June of 1969 changed all that. What followed was the formation of Gay Rights Organizations across the nation. Most importantly, what began was the formation of a cohesive, organized, community that transcended generational, racial, and cultural differences.
Now it is 2009, and every year we organize this huge weekend long party to celebrate who we are. To celebrate "Pride". I often joke every year, "what are we so proud of?" At pride we are not saying that we are proud to be GAY, we certainly are not ashamed, but Pride runs much deeper then that. We celebrate the accomplishments of a community that went from hanging out in shady underground, mafia run bars, to what we are today. A community that boasted about equal rights and liberation in a time when African Americans were still fighting for rights. The women's movement was still in the final stages of earning their last few rights. Lyndon Johnson's "Affirmative Action Program" was working out some of it's kinks. For the Gay Community to explode across such a volatile nation took courage, strength, and pride.
Pride is also a time when we remember the rest of the hardships and victories that were to come in the following years. The HIV epidemic of the 80's, which left so many countless lives forever touched, also marked the beginning of a new battle. The murder of Matthew Shepherd in the late 90's reminded us that the whole world is in fact not accepting of Homosexuality, and there are still miles to go before true equality is accomplished. Equality however is not something that is legally achieved. Its not a bill that has to be passed in a courthouse or a statehouse. Equality is when I can walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend and no one will look twice, because the love between us is just as legitimate as the love between the straight couple walking past in the other direction. It is not a legal movement, its a movement in the hearts of those who cannot bring themselves to understand that God created us all different...different, but equal.
This weekend as the parties tear on into the late hours of the night we remember. Those of us who are of younger years often forget the challenges faced by earlier generations. It's very easy at 19 years old to realize that you are gay, and dive into a fairly large club world, and yell and scream for equal rights. The struggle that each of us go through in the coming out process is different to be sure, but remember the generations before who literally had their freedom, and at times their very lives at stake by setting foot in bars like Stonewall. We have the benefit of walking into an established community. This weekend is about allot more then a parade. We are not trying to rub our homosexuality in the straight world's face...rather we are celebrating an inheritance that had been handed down to us from decades before.
We celebrate ourselves as individuals, perhaps even beyond our homosexuality. It's a part of what makes me who I am but it is not the summit of my being. We all have hopes and dreams, family and friends, a life history and experiences that make us who we are. Our sexuality is woven through those things. That's why Pride is such a special weekend. We see those faces that at one time may have been a regular part of our lives, and we run into them at pride and share that brief, but moving encounter. "Oh my god how have you been?? Where are you living now???" Etc etc etc. Those who are celebrating their first Pride undoubtedly will establish memories that they will remember for years to come. Those of us who it isn't our first Pride will undoubtedly do all the remembering..."Remember last year when we did this, or we did that."
Pride is about so much more then a parade. It's about us, as individuals...because individuals are what makes up a community. So this weekend celebrate YOU. Celebrate the past that has made you the person you are, celebrate the people who have come and gone. Celebrate the people who have come and STAYED....because those people seem to be so few. Celebrate your lover, and the difference he/she has made in your life. That line from Queer as Folk comes to mind, "Mourn the losses because there will be plenty, but celebrate the victories, because there are so few." The losses however, are what makes the victories so sweet. So maybe we should celebrate those too, because they too played a part in the reality we live in.
Whatever you do this weekend, have a safe, and happy (despite the threat of rain) Pride 2009!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
In This Great Sacrament...
This past Sunday was the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ...the Blessed Sacrament. During my time in Seminary the Parish at which I worked the longest was the Church of the Most Blessed Sacrament. It was a massive, Cathedral-like Church. It was in this massive structure, that my relationship with God matured.
I recently took my wonderful boyfriend on a tour of my hometown. We saw the house I grew up in. I showed him my home parish...the simple Church where my relationship with God was born. It was the site of where an immature, young man discerned a vocation to the priesthood. That small town where my roots began, reflect the simplicity of what my relationship with God was in those days. So many people in that town view Providence as "the big city", to them it is so far away. The idea of even being awake at 1am is so foreign to them, let alone the idea of ordering a cheeseburger out of a trailer at that time. They go to work, they come home, spend time with their family, and the next day they repeat it.
It was during the years of sitting in the pews of Blessed Sacrament, where I realized that life was so much more complicated. I realized that a relationship with God was much more then "Love one another as I have loved you." I learned that there were times when God would feel absent. I learned that more often then not, I would not feel the presence of God in my daily life, and that I would have to lean on the shoulder of faith, to know that He was there.
Every year the Parish committees would work tirelessly towards this weekend's feast. We would prepare a massive procession to celebrate the Blessed Sacrament. On that day, processing down the isle of that Church, amidst all the pageantry, Gold vestments, incense and ancient Latin hymns...was me..a lowly, sinful, seminary student. A young man trying to not loose himself in the bells and whistles, and remember that I was giving my life to that tiny white wafer, that was in fact the Body and Blood of Christ, the Blessed Sacrament.
The line from the Preface of the Mass that day reads, "In this great sacrament You feed Your people and strengthen them in holiness, so that the human family may come to walk in the light of one faith, in one communion of love. " Week after week believers gather all over the world at that one altar to celebrate the Sacrifice of the Cross, which they believe brings them salvation.
Now when I sit in the presence of my God in the Blessed Sacrament I typically do so in a tiny chapel downtown, maintained by the Franciscans. Its a simple place, where I sit and share my hopes and dreams with my God. I pray for the ones I love, I pray for their hopes and dreams as well. It reminds me of the universality of the Blessed Sacrament. The details have changed but the basic concept remains the same, weather it be in Tiverton, at Blessed Sacrament Church, or in that simple tiny Chapel. I still sit and share my deepest self, with a God I cannot see.
Two weeks ago I re-visited my hometown, this weekend I re-visited my Seminary years, and I continue to strive towards achieving my dreams. Thank the Lord, I have found love, good friends, and a stable home. I feel like I am only a few grasps away from completing the picture. These are the things that are summarized in that Sacred Host. It's the countless dreams and hopes of generations of believers, the ongoing hope that has burned in the hearts of countless millions through the ages, and the eternal love of God that has shined down through the centuries...a love that is reflected in the smiling face of a lover in the morning when he first wakes up, the heartfelt thank you from a grateful soul, or the laugh we inspire from someone else when we amuse them. The great Feast of the Blessed Sacrament is a reminder, once a year, of that love that we experience everyday of our lives.
I try to keep this in mind as we push through these miserable cloudy days leading into summer. Its so easy to forget the blessings sometimes, and let our hearts wander to feelings of despair. However, it is our duty to look to the bright side, to acknowledge these countless blessings in our lives...because those blessings are the presence of God in our lives, they are the daily manifestation of the gifts of that wonderful sacrament, the same gift that we are called to be in the lives of others.
I recently took my wonderful boyfriend on a tour of my hometown. We saw the house I grew up in. I showed him my home parish...the simple Church where my relationship with God was born. It was the site of where an immature, young man discerned a vocation to the priesthood. That small town where my roots began, reflect the simplicity of what my relationship with God was in those days. So many people in that town view Providence as "the big city", to them it is so far away. The idea of even being awake at 1am is so foreign to them, let alone the idea of ordering a cheeseburger out of a trailer at that time. They go to work, they come home, spend time with their family, and the next day they repeat it.
It was during the years of sitting in the pews of Blessed Sacrament, where I realized that life was so much more complicated. I realized that a relationship with God was much more then "Love one another as I have loved you." I learned that there were times when God would feel absent. I learned that more often then not, I would not feel the presence of God in my daily life, and that I would have to lean on the shoulder of faith, to know that He was there.
Every year the Parish committees would work tirelessly towards this weekend's feast. We would prepare a massive procession to celebrate the Blessed Sacrament. On that day, processing down the isle of that Church, amidst all the pageantry, Gold vestments, incense and ancient Latin hymns...was me..a lowly, sinful, seminary student. A young man trying to not loose himself in the bells and whistles, and remember that I was giving my life to that tiny white wafer, that was in fact the Body and Blood of Christ, the Blessed Sacrament.
The line from the Preface of the Mass that day reads, "In this great sacrament You feed Your people and strengthen them in holiness, so that the human family may come to walk in the light of one faith, in one communion of love. " Week after week believers gather all over the world at that one altar to celebrate the Sacrifice of the Cross, which they believe brings them salvation.
Now when I sit in the presence of my God in the Blessed Sacrament I typically do so in a tiny chapel downtown, maintained by the Franciscans. Its a simple place, where I sit and share my hopes and dreams with my God. I pray for the ones I love, I pray for their hopes and dreams as well. It reminds me of the universality of the Blessed Sacrament. The details have changed but the basic concept remains the same, weather it be in Tiverton, at Blessed Sacrament Church, or in that simple tiny Chapel. I still sit and share my deepest self, with a God I cannot see.
Two weeks ago I re-visited my hometown, this weekend I re-visited my Seminary years, and I continue to strive towards achieving my dreams. Thank the Lord, I have found love, good friends, and a stable home. I feel like I am only a few grasps away from completing the picture. These are the things that are summarized in that Sacred Host. It's the countless dreams and hopes of generations of believers, the ongoing hope that has burned in the hearts of countless millions through the ages, and the eternal love of God that has shined down through the centuries...a love that is reflected in the smiling face of a lover in the morning when he first wakes up, the heartfelt thank you from a grateful soul, or the laugh we inspire from someone else when we amuse them. The great Feast of the Blessed Sacrament is a reminder, once a year, of that love that we experience everyday of our lives.
I try to keep this in mind as we push through these miserable cloudy days leading into summer. Its so easy to forget the blessings sometimes, and let our hearts wander to feelings of despair. However, it is our duty to look to the bright side, to acknowledge these countless blessings in our lives...because those blessings are the presence of God in our lives, they are the daily manifestation of the gifts of that wonderful sacrament, the same gift that we are called to be in the lives of others.
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