The Birthday Month

I love my birthday. It falls on May 21st, which in my estimation is the perfect time to have a birthday. The season is starting to change, the warmer weather starts to come around, as we make the final few paces towards Summer. The dreaming starts about Beach days, bbqs at night, the coming of so many wonderful summer activities, and a final goodbye to the cold until it rears its ugly head again in the late fall. All of us homos start to break out the flip flops, and our one token pair of white pants. A time filled with so much change is a perfect time to reflect, as I always do around my birthday, on the year that has passed.

I think this year Ive learned alot of lessons. President Obama, in his speech to the nation on his 100th day said, "The ship of state is an ocean liner; it's not a speedboat...If we can move this big battleship a few degrees in a different direction, we may not see all the consequences of that change a week from now or three months from now, but 10 years from now, or 20 years from now" I think I have learned in my own life that this is so true. Change takes time. We have hopes and dreams, and goals but we have to be realistic about their time table. Some of the steps along the way may seem insignificant but they really arent in the big picture, they are small turns to guide the massive battleship to point in another direction. The end of which often pleasently suprises us when that ship reaches her destination.

I have also learned a good bit about friends. Once again, in the last year I have been blessed to have people there to stand by me in times when I needed it most.

I learned alot about risk. The risk of dropping down the walls that surround the deep vulnerable part of ourselves. "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to." Love is a risk, a leap of faith. In Seminary we blindly gave our entire selves to a God who we could not see. That is the deepest faith of all. To throw it all down for Him, and not be able to know if we did the right thing, until its too late to undo anything. My general feeling of having been betrayed, both by that system, and by other significant people in my life at the time has always made it hard to drop those walls. This year I have learned to put faith in people again, and Im glad I did, as it had paid off in a wonderful relationship with an amazing person. . . which only further proved my previous lesson, that the small changes in life along the way can lead to something wonderful and unexpected if you wait long enough.

Ive learned most importantly to look back throughtfully, and see the hand of God in various moments in my life along the way. Instead of looking at my life begrudgingly, I look at it with hope, excited about the many suprises God has in store for me in my 28th year, as those course changes slowly start to reveal their various destinations.

I think back on past birthdays, the people I spent them with, and where I spent them. They range from those crazy nights out on the town, formal dinners, Parties at clubs, and even the year I celebrated looking out on the Dome of Saint Peter's in Rome. Very few faces were at every party. One or two have been consistant at the last five or so, and I pray will be there for many, many more. I am thankful for the new faces that will be at this one, and hope to God will be at many more as well. Theres something that I am extremely grateful for this year. . I have never celebrated a birthday without friends, and it always takes more then one celebration to cover it all!

As the various celebrations in my birthday month begin to unroll (the first of which is Friday) my smile only gets wider and wider. My feelings of hope build more and more, and the sun shines brighter each day as we move towards summer. (Despite the rain that's falling at the moment outside.)

As the last days of my 27th year unfold, and a new year approaches I will continue to reflect, and continue to make the small course adjustments neccessary to continue to guide the "Ocean Liner" of life towards the ultimate goal. I will continue to enjoy the many suprises along the way, and of course, continue to deal with those places where the water gets rough...because I know Im not alone on this boat...I got a First Mate, and one hell of a crew!