SEX

So I was watching Oprah yesterday (that may be the gayest thing I have ever said in these blogs), and her episode was about sex. Dr. Laura Berman was on once again answering questions from parents regarding the topic of their children, and sex. A few weeks ago she was on, and discussed the topic of the importance of women talking about masturbation with their daughters. Evidently, according to surveys and what not, mothers feel uncomfortable talking to their daughters about this topic, and the response to this episode was that it is inappropriate to talk about this topic with daughters.

It made me start thinking. It seems to me, that it only makes sense to educate daughters about masturbation, and to explain to them that "That special part of the body" (to quote Dr. Berman) is in fact special, and that it should be reserved only for special people. By teaching them about this topic, it encourages young girls to take posession of their own body, and refrain from giving it up to the wrong person...and for the very young girls, it instills the importance of telling someone if the wrong person forces themselves on it. Dr. Berman came to the same conclusion.

Naturally the next topic led into sex itself. A couple of 14 years old, Courtney and Pierce, were featured next. They have been dating for 3 months, and have decieded that they are ready to have sex, because they are "in love". When I got to work I was talking about the episode with others who had seen it. One fellow homo said, "Why are we so upset about these two wanting to have sex because they claim they are in love? Are we in love at 2am when we leave Dark Lady and invite that special someone over?"

Naturally, there is a difference between a mature, grown adult to have sex and for two 14 year olds to call it an act of love. But it made me think about sex, and love, and my own life. God knows I have been no angel, but as I have said in past blogs, when we have sex...even if its just a "hook up" we are still giving someone a part of ourselves. We cant deny it. Thats why we get that little tug somewhere inside us when we see someone who we've slept with talking to someone else at a bar. That's why so much drama stirs up among friends when these lines are crossed...because no matter what we may say, its never "just sex". Above all, that's why it is such a mistake for two 14 year olds to enter this kind of relationship and declare it an act of love.

So then what is the ok age for sex? 16 to drive. 18 to smoke. 21 to drink...what, like 17 to bang? How do we put a mark on that? The parents of Courtney and Pierce are aware of their childrens relationship and desire to have sex. The two mothers are in communication and agreement that sex at this point is totally not acceptable. Pierce's mother, thinking she is being a realist, buys a box of condems and puts them in Pierce's underwear drawer.

"Making that purchase was probably the hardest thing I ever did, because I didn't want him to think that I was giving him [approval]. Like, 'Go for it, son.'" Well mom, it certainly isnt the most adament way of discouraging them not to! Yet at the same time it is very realistic. If these kids are going to do it, they are going to do it...plain and simple. Was the condem purchase a mistake? Is it almost like my previous blog about tolerance, where we say, "I dont agree with what you are doing, but I am 'tolerant' of it"?

So when is it ok to have sex? What age is it that we reach where we can say that we are "in love" and it doesnt have to be the topic of an Oprah episode? Im not siding with Courtney and Pierce, nor am I siding with the consensus...Im just saying, its worth thinking about isnt it? Who are we to say they are not in love? What if they were 16, then is it legitament? How old were you the first time you really fell in love?

Maybe in life we spend too much time being critical of other people's relaionships. I know I certainly have expressed my opinion before when it really wasn't my place to do so. We all fall in love with people at different paces, for different reasons, and at different ages. Again, I am not siding with either party, but I do think that this episode demonstrates a huge flaw in our human nature...that being that we all think we are right.

We have this instinct where we all think its ok for us to pontificate our opinion just because we think its right. None of us (myself certainly included) have any right to stand as judge over someone else...that includes Oprah and Dr. Berman. Relationships are something that can only be judged by the two people who are in it. Maybe Courtney and Pierce are really in love. Are they at the "Legal Banging Age"? Thats a question only they can answer, just like every decision regarding sex that any of us ever make. Who knows, maybe Pierce and Courtney having sex would be a more mature and loving expression then some of our sexual experiences in life. At some point in life people have to start making their own choices, and facing the consequences of those choices. The choices we have made in the past, the relationships that we've had, add to what makes up who we are today.

It is our job to educate the youth, to give them the tools they need to make those choices. In the Gay Community its no different, which is why organizations like YPI (Youth Pride) is so important. As we get older, its not our job to judge others, its our job to continue to use those tools to make choices in our own lives, to fall in love at our own pace, and to be happy with that person in the time to come.