The Book and It's Cover

I learned a very good lesson this week, that is by no means a shocking revelation to anyone. You really and truly can't judge a book by it's cover. While it's true that a book with a more appealing cover is going to draw more attention on the shelf, that says nothing of the quality of the book. By the same token a book that may sit and collect dust due to a bland cover that attracts no attention, may hold the most brilliant literary art of our time.

You see I learned that sometimes I don't give people the credit they are due. As you all know I have recently decided to accept the invitation of the National Old Catholic Church to become a priest, which I thought was going to horrify my Roman Catholic friends. Some of them are less then pleased, thinking that I have turned my back on the truth in favor of an "easy out" with a Church that accepts my Homosexuality, and still welcomes me in their life of ministry. Some who I was most concerned about however instead responded with not only support but congratulations for my decision. Another person in my life, who I had formerly decided on a certain opinion has recently proven me very wrong, by turning out to be not only a very well adjusted individual, but in fact someone that people should look up to for his loyalty, maturity, and compassion.

I am ashamed of myself for pre-judging people for a few reasons. Between my life in ministry and my work behind the bar, I have been proven wrong time and time again about judgments I have made about other people. The gay community is a small one, especially in this town, and many times there have been people who everyone refers to as "a mess" and then after getting to know them a bit I realize they are not in fact a mess at all...and anyone who has run into me at last call could easily say the same of me.

You see sometimes we forget that people are made up of a lot more then the situation we see them in. They have lives that have their own unique stresses. They have backgrounds that have shaped their attitudes and personalities. Most importantly they have a certain edge, or personality that they display in public, that is not not necessarily who they really are. They have lives that necessitate maintaining a certain public opinion that may not reflect how they really feel, or who they really are.

The bottom line is that we cannot make a decision about a person before we give them a chance. We can't assume that a person is going to feel a certain way about something, before we give them them a chance and tell them about it. I know for a fact that Im not alone in this weakness, we all do it. The question that comes to my mind is why?

I think that it's because in our lives we all experience so much betrayal and hurt that we naturally build walls around ourselves to keep us safe. We learn from being hurt, and make sure that it never happens again. That part is natural, the problem is it stretches into the rest of our lives, and being defensive turns into being pessimistic. We begin to assume that people are going to hurt us, or be against us. We never get past face value. Just as we build our walls, and have our defenses so does everybody else, and sometimes we forget that. Just think, if everybody only operated inside our little bubbles, what kind of shallow, phony universe would we live in?

There's no easy answer, and we are all going to always be careful to not allow ourselves to be hurt, or challenged. However, maybe we all need to let the guard down a little bit. If we open ourselves up a little bit more to the rest of the world, we will be shocked at the good that will come from it, the friendships that will deepen, and the support we will receive from places we didn't expect because we didn't give them enough credit.