Beer and Brothers

Last night was a Saturday night, which in my world is typically filled with the hustle and bustle of work. My brother and his girlfriend were in from New Hampshire, and I decided to take the night off so I could spend time with them. The evening was a major turning point for me.

As my faithful readers know I come from a unique family situation. The family was already raised, at the time of my birth the brother closest to me in age was already 12. My being so far in age was always an issue for me. My siblings and I didn't grow up together, and I always felt like "the kid" in their presence. Last night however, for the first time, it was different.

Michael, his girlfriend, and I sat and had dinner, like adults. We sat and laughed, and I talked about what was going on in my life. Now that I think about it, I was kind of selfish as I didn't really ask about what was new with him. We went bar hopping afterwards, and with each beer I felt more and more glad that I had taken the night off. We ended up at my work, where I was able to introduce him to almost all of my friends, it was a wonderful evening.

What does it take to make you feel like an adult, in the presence of those who could easily consider you a child? What makes us an adult in general? It certainly is about more then turning 18, or even 21. Among my priest friends I was the seminarian studying to one day achieve the goal that they were living. When I left, I felt like the lowly bartender trying to get his life together, while they looked on and offered advice, help whenever they could, and a shoulder to cry on when I failed. Yet I could never look at them and feel like an equal, like a peer. With my family it was the same. I always felt that when I talked I was justifying whatever was going on in my life, offering explanations to people who were higher on life's ladder then I was, and they always would be. Last night was so different.

Maybe it's a mix of things. Part of it was it was nice to hear people saying to him what I always heard about him growing up. Whenever people learned that he, or Steve is my brother they would say, "your brother's a great guy." We grew up in a small town, where everybody knew my dad, and my brothers were talented musicians whose abilities were well known. As I got older I would hear them laugh about "the old days" and share various memories that I wasn't around for. Last night they were able to see me as a grown adult. They met my friends, and boss, and customers, who were all very gracious and said things to HIM like, "your brother's a great guy". "We love it when he's working." I also sat and told him about exciting things in my life that are happening. Not what could happen, or what I want to happen, or what I hope will happen.

The words of Adam, upon the creation of Eve ring very true to me today. "This is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh." This is my brother. We are both adults, and we are both Martins. We talked last night about my other brother who couldn't join us, and my father. We talked about the many similarities we all have. Upon further reflection I realized we certainly are "bone of the same bone". We all have a similar laugh, we certainly have the same hair line issues, but more then that we have the same character. We are all strong willed, sometimes to the point of being stubborn. We are all men of deep faith, in different ways. We strongly believe in what is right and wrong. We believe in service, them to our country, me to the Church, and our father to both.

There have been so many bumps along the way, as I'm sure we could all say the same, in our family. There are many wounds. Some that have healed, and some that never will, but those that have I am glad for. No family is perfect. Many have heard me say that your family doesn't necessarily have anything to do with bloodlines, or legal terms. However there is something to be said for brothers. There is something to be said for two men who lived such different lives, yet somehow turned out very much alike. Michael is the family member who through the years I have spent the least time with, and yet he is the one to whom I feel the closest.

Last night was a delightful evening, and the hangover today is every bit worth it. When are we adults? When we can evaluate our lives and admit where we made mistakes, and acknowledge the truth of the events that have unfolded. The second Reading today talks about how Jesus, although He is God, is our brother, as we all have God as our father. The last line of the reading says, "He who consecrates and those who are being consecrated all have one origin. Therefore, he is not ashamed to call them “brothers.” We all have our birth family, and it is structured around titles that are relative to our origin. We are bone of the same bone, and flesh of the same flesh. In all of our lives those roles play out differently, and that's ok, because after years have gone by, you can sit as two adults, have a few beers and a few shots, and relish each others happiness.